“I’m sorry, its just when I get something in my head I have to have it”

“Well… I slept with her once”

“With Carmen?”

“Who else are we talking about? Yes Carmen….”

“How was it?” I smiled

“I can’t talk about the sex… but if you asked me… she never really had sex with anybody. And when it was over…. It was over… never spoke to her again” When she finished talking I see a dark figure in the back looking at me, it took me another second to realize it was her… Carmen. The world stopped and I couldn’t hear anything

“I’ll be right….” I start my journey towards her. Our eyes never breaking contact. I walk until I’m in front of her. I’m nervous and I don’t know why.

“Carmen” she said holding out her hand

“Shane”  and I took her hand. She just looked at me, like trying to figure me out, like if she was looking for something… then she smiled.

“Are you scared Shane?” I am but I shouldn’t say yes of course

“Yes”  but I did, didn’t I? FucK! She smiled and got closer to me, almost touching.

“That’s the point… You scare the shit out of people and they don’t see how scared you really are”  we didn’t break eye contact

“You’re scared?”  I asked. she smiled and grabbed my hand “Come with me” and she dragged me out of the club leaving Jordan laughing and amazed at the same time. We go out the hotel and into a cab. She said something in a language I didn’t understand. I don’t understand nothing right now.

“Where are we going?” she looked at me, but really looking at me, as she did before. Is like she’s trying to look for answers… but I can’t give her nothing, if I don’t know what she wants…. Or maybe she just likes my eyes.

“Where do you want to go?” huh… good question

“I don’t know… half the time I don’t know where I’m going or doing in this industry” she smiled. She does that a lot… but I can see she hides a lot of pain behind that beautiful smile… there is something about her… she’s like a mystery I can’t wait to solve.

“I know how it feels… They told you to come and live here forever, that life is different, It is clean and pretty…. but-but how do you get there? Where do you find a taxi? Which bus do you take? And how do you know you’re there, when your there? What if you go the wrong way? How do you know it’s wrong and not right? How do you comeback and make it all better? what if you cant? What if you’re stuck in that place?” she’s deep… it takes a minute to understand what she’s trying to say

“If you don’t like what you’re doing… then why?… why are you doing it?”

“Never heard that you don’t choose your job, your job chooses you?”

“Then how do you do it?”

“You just have to remember that Its not about you… its not you that their looking at… its not about you… I’m on top of that, I understand that…. because if you let it be about you, then you’re screwed, you know… you have to be separated from what’s happening, you have to be somewhere else…. But sometimes I don’t know where that somewhere else is, you know… or how to do that”