“I am going to fight. I’ll give her my whole fortune if I have to. Anything. She can’t cut me off from them. She won’t do it. Despite every awful thing said and done between us, she still have a heart, and she loves our children just as much as I do. She won’t cut me off from them if they suffer from it. If they say they miss me. She’s not heartless.” The determination in the British woman’s voice soothed Alice, but she also noticed the hardness that was underneath. Maybe that was the complexity of Helena, she thought. That mixture of soft and hard, icy cold and burning warmth, all at the same time.

–

Alice called Dana to tell her she stayed at Helena’s for the night. She did not think it would be good for Helena to be alone. Frankly Alice feared she would drink again and that would not be a good thing considering. Although the British woman seemed fine now, she suspected her mood could drop at any second, and Alice felt she should be there when and if that happened. She could hear Dana’s disappointment through the phone, but she was also supportive and understanding and Alice was very grateful for that. But on the other hand, it made her feel even worse about herself than before. Dana had no problem with accepting Alice sleeping over at a friend’s house. If Dana had protested Alice would not feel like a totally possessive person. Dana was not, she was completely sweet, so it was Alice’s problem. The whole issue was about Alice’s insecurities. She did feel like a complete nightmare of a girlfriend, and she thought she probably was. She was becoming one, even though Dana had not noticed anything yet. But she would. Soon she would.

And why was not Dana upset with her like the last time she took care of Helena? The thought hit Alice like a lightening. Maybe she was happy to sleep alone tonight. Or was she alone? ‘Cut it out, Alice.’ She thought to herself, but it was already to late. Her head was filled with images of exactly just how happy Dana and, oh God, Lara was that she was not coming over tonight. The blonde rested her forehead on the wall in front of her. “*****” she breathed out, more like a sigh than a word. She felt the tears burning under her eyelids. She was not crying really, not sobbing. It was more like her eyes spilled over, just like that. They just did it automatically. She stayed there resting her head. “I can’t take this anymore” she breathed to the wall. The wall did not answer, but she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.