Windows of Opportunity 

Chapter 1

The noises that I hear as I sit on my porch are anything but soothing. I would love nothing more than to hear the birds chirping in the distance but I hear someone doing yard work and some want to be future musician giving all musicians a bad name. I just want quiet and peaceful serenity but that is obviously not to be. Why would I deserve it though looking at my life? I have not done anything worthy of it nor can I honestly say, given the opportunity to do things differently that I would do anything differently. What does that say about me? I am alone and probably, that is all that I deserve.

Of course my life did not start out in this discombobulated mess that it has turned into but when you are as self centered and self serving as I seem to be, I guess the end result is wallowing in self pity and hoping against all hope that a miracle will happen. For someone looking from the outside in, my life is one that many would envy. I am after all, a Yale grad, a successful art aficionado, a mother, a friend, sister and to some a decent human being. The reality is, when it matters the most, I failed and failure with the one person, who matters the most, makes it all that much worse.

Taking things for granted has been something that I have always seemed to do. My intelligence was never questioned and I never feared that I would get accepted into Yale, which was my only college choice. Women have always seemed to throw themselves at me and I took advantage of that only to sleep with them once or twice and move on. I was a free agent and that freedom was something that I cherished. It was not until that blond beauty walked into my life that all of my defenses were no longer there. I was totally out of control and I think that I was at a place in my life that I needed to be in order to accept one Ms. Tina Kennard. She took my breath away and to this day, she continues to do so. Why oh why, did I have to mess it up so royally? If I loved her as much as I professed, would I not have put her on the pedestal that she deserved and not allowed temptation to get the best of me?