I try not to live in the past that’s when it’s the worst. Heart coming up, playing pinball with my tonsils, stomach buckling tenfold, hands sweating profusely, mind racing a mile a second, entire body shaking like there’s an earthquake, finally with knees doubling over and then crashing down hitting the ground like a very large, heavy sack of potatoes.

It gets harder every day. This constant nagging and bickering. The sideway glances, the “accidental” bumps and grunts, pushing and shoving. Comments that aren’t quite hushed but instead always said at the “wrong” time, followed by the muffled giggles of the rest of the population.

I had to suppress all emotion in order to even get through the day, actually make that the minute. It’s amazing how ones body can readjust to its surroundings, even when your soul is in so much turmoil with itself. You learn how to hide what it is that your really feeling inside with what I like to call masks. Fro each person in your life you have a different one or at least that’s how it is for me. And yet when I’m by myself I never really know how to act, should I transform to have a mask envelop my being just in case I’m caught of guard and my need it or should I let them stay hanging on the wall and let myself just be. Well to be on the safe side I’ll keep at least one in my grasp that way I can swiftly transform to help out the unsuspecting bystander. Why but them through something that they weren’t ready to absorb?

As if on cue, *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*, and here we go. Now where did I but that damn thing, ah here it is right before my eyes, isn’t always. Maybe if I don’t respond whom ever is on the other side of the white wooden door to my very on sanctuary/prison will take the hint and go away.