That’s It

I rested my head against the cool damp bark of the oak tree. If I was a normal person, I would have been out of breath and severely de-hydrated by now; but unfortunately that wasn’t the case for me. I wasn’t physically tired, yet, but I was mentally tired. I had searched for Jacob well into the night, and now it was coming up for a new sunrise, a start of a new day…for most.

Where had he gone? I sunk to the ground, not caring that my jeans would get soiled in the process; Alice would be all too happy for another girly shopping trip.

My body was only partially protected by the long limb-like branches as the heaven’s opened and rained hell upon me. It was such a fitting tribute to my current feelings, so damp and dark and eerily familiar. I let my head hit a pair of knees as a shiver ran through me.
I wasn’t sure how long I had rested like that; curled up against a child of the earth. It was only the throb in my chest that suddenly erupted after my adrenaline rush had clearly ran out. My ribs seemed to collapse inwards and push my lungs further and further against my heart. I gripped at my top and gasped. It hurt. Not just mentally, but my chest literally hurt.

The familiar sting of tears tickled at the corners of my brown eyes; making me curl in on myself and sob into my now folded arms.

This wasn’t something I was used to. An anguished whimper left my lips, and I wished for the millionth time today, that the sodden ground would rip open and swallow me into its lifeless hell. I wanted reassurance. I wanted a small glimmer of hope. I wanted Jacob. He was the one person who made things bearable.

The bottomless pit seemed to go against its own rules, and ripped at my heart just a bit more; slowly tearing its way to my soul. My fingers linked into my bronze curls and painfully pulled them into tight, angry fists.

I could blame this on so many people. I could cuss and shout, but that wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t my way. A searing anger towards myself and my parents cut through my thoughts and pulled at my sanity. How could they? They knew all along that Jacob had feelings for me. They knew that someday there was a high possibility I would feel the same endearing force; a thirst, a need and a urge to give myself to Jacob completely. And…that is exactly what I am feeling now…well was anyway.