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    The Very Thought of You, Chapter 8

    Story written on February 5, 2007 by NYGayLady.
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    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 12
    Words: 1676
    Story Shortlink: https://www.assertive-maroon-jellyfish.104-250-143-187.cpanel.site/?p=64372
    Author Notes:

    I … should have done what my heart cried out for me to do.

                Cleaning house, one of the few mundane tasks my home life has been reduced to, is perhaps the dullest chore ever created.  It always seems so futile because in two weeks the dust will have resettled enough to be visible, though it never makes it that long; in a week I’ll once again be desperate enough to search out something, anything to fill my time.  Henry’s fond of commenting on how busy our lives are.  Perhaps his.  They’re constantly busy getting ready for some home show or another at his office, and more often than not he works longer hours, staying to finish the bookkeeping or paying a customer a visit, leaving me in a silent house with a dust rag in one hand and a can of Pledge in the other.  A fairytale, isn’t it?

                I know everyone has to clean their house, but I guess I’m bitter because so many women in our neighborhood and friends of ours do it with a smile on their face, happy with their servitude.  Of course I over dramatize, but when you have only housework and work, life becomes taxing.  Perhaps if we went out with people who weren’t cookie cutter versions of ourselves.  Perhaps if we flew somewhere where they didn’t speak our language.  Raising another child, even at this age, seems a better idea by the day, though I know how ridiculous it sounds.

                I just wish there was something more to look forward to than dust resettling in the living room.  Maybe I could let it go for a few weeks then write “Stepped out” on the dining room table just before I run away to some beach.  Or some city.

    *          *            *            *            *

                Her readiness to admit her feelings for me was surprising and a little off-putting.  While I came to terms with the emotions she produced, the ones I created in her were voiced without hesitation.  Her honesty made me want to admit everything to her and in moments of clarity, I did.  I told her I didn’t want to let her go, that I didn’t want to lose her.  I tried to offset the gravity with humor when I told her how attractive she was or that I’d always care about her, but I’m sure I wasn’t fooling either one of us.  She took it all in stride, accepting what I gave her and never pushing me, though secretly I wanted her to.  A part of me wanted her to demand all of me, a price I couldn’t pay, so I could refuse and move on.  She always stayed just shy of that line.

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    Comments

    1. I can’t believe she wouldn’t go to Bette. Well, I can, but it still makes me so frustrated… I just want to like, totally shake Tina ’til she gains some sense. Gaaahh! Yeah, I’ve been even more totally sucked into the story. Thanks for posting another so soon, NY.

    2. OMG,I cannot believe the torment was going on for years. Also can’t wait for them to actually meet, well that is presuming that they ever do. You make me feel like were watching Tina and Bette in reverse. First she was with Henry then Bette. Whether its your story or S4, Tina is so f—-d up. By the way loved your reference to “Imagine Me And You” a few chapters back. You know, the lily, ” I dare you to love me”. Love that.

    3. Jesus. Like Jobadge said, this is sometimes very very VERY tough to read. Just caught up and decided to join your league of fans :) I think you’re seeing comments from only a small fraction of the number of people who’re identifying with your story, dear NY. Thanks for this. Eagerly waiting for more

    4. Sometime people love the idea of romance and the idea of being in love more than the actual thing…is this what Tina is doing? Cause she ain’t doin a damn thing else to amount to anything, and I am frustrated…lol. More torture please.

    5. NY, you know how much I love this story and I always look forward to your posts. Sometimes the fear of the unknown versus what we know paralyzes us and we just stay with what we know because it is safer. It looks like Tina is really ready to seek out Bette and see if there is still that connection. The saying better late than never may apply here. I hope Tina takes a chance even though it has been so so many years. Thanks and please keep writing, NY because you are a very talented writer.

    6. Hi NY. I caught up with this intriguing story – finally. Damn, you’re productive – not that I’m complaining or anything… LOL. Tina is in so much trouble here… and so fickle. It would drive me crazy if I was Bette. Bette’s got patience in this story… that’s a new one, NY LOL… I feel Tina’s claustrophobia when she’s describing her life with Henry in the suburbs. I wonder if she knows that her life is HER responsibility… she seems so unfulfilled (and bitter about that). I can’t wait to find out what caused her come to this place. NY, your story is so beautifully written… I hang on your every word. Thank you.

    8. Has Tina had these feelings for 30 years and are have been going through this turmoil for the entire time. If so, I don’t think she will ever make this change. I’m sure she had many excuses, like she could leave Henry, then she couldn’t take the kids away from Henry. Well now the kids are grown, and she’s still just living with a memory. When is she going to do something about the life she seems to hate so much? Has she keep in touch with Bette all these years. Is Bette available? I really can’t feel sorry for Tina, because she’s not doing anything to make her situation better. Whether she chooses to stay or leave, she needs to stop living in the past and move forward. Great story, with lots of unanswered questions.

    9. This is the 2nd time posting a comment. Anyways Tina did what she thought was best for her. Hindsight is 20/20 and Tina is now full of regrets thinking of what coulds, shoulda happened. what is troubling here is that she continues to live in her mundane and dreadfully unhappy life in the burbs. She needs to start living in the present and do what makes her happy. But can she abandon all fear, the same fear that kept her from running off with Bette? 30 years is a long time to be fearful and I am not sure if she would be so quick to do it. I hope so, even if she does not end up with Bette. I am very anxious as to how this is going to end. Something tells me there is going to be a twist at the end. Post soon.

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