Vignettes of the Heart – 6

Tina finally felt Bette relax, the tension bleeding from her taut muscles, and a peacefulness came over them both. Sure that Bette’s mind had calmed, Tina decided it was time to speak.

"Babe, I want you to know that this isn’t your fault. Jodie did not leave because you weren’t enough for her. She left because she wasn’t enough for you." Tina knew this point was perhaps more important than any other. Bette needed to know that she was enough, or else she would never try to have a meaningful relationship again.

After a few minutes, Bette asked in a small voice, "What do you mean?" She wanted to believe Tina, but she was also scared to hope. Her self-esteem was so fragile.

Tina reached for her hand, and gently clasped it. "Jodie tried something with you that she had never tried before. She loved you enough to commit to a monogamous relationship, and even to accept Angelica. She succeeded for a while, and you are certainly worth the effort, but in the end, Jodie realized that she could not be all you deserve. She could see that you wanted to be a family more than anything, but that was not her dream."

Tina hesitated, then decided to add, "As wonderful as Jodie is, she is not like us, Bette." Tina bit her lip, afraid that she had gone too far. The old Bette would become defensive at that statement; would the new Bette?

Bette allowed Tina’s words to sink in. She wanted to believe them, she wanted to feel better. At the same time, she was afraid she wasn’t devastated enough. And, if Jodie’s leaving wasn’t her fault, then it meant she had no control over the relationship in the first place. That was still a disconcerting idea.

"Thank you, T." Bette wasn’t prepared to commit to believing, but she would listen and want to believe.

Tina sensed that Bette had heard her, and that was all she could hope for at this point. Now she needed to concentrate on taking care of this fragile woman.

"Bette, let’s get you cleaned up. Angus will be bringing Angelica soon, and you’ll want to be able to be with her." Tina led Bette into her, their, bedroom and into the master bath. She started drawing a bath and left Bette to undress herself, all the while reminding herself to be carefully platonic. Keep playing the friend game, Tina. Only friends.

While Bette prepared herself for a quick but soothing bath, Tina cleaned up the work papers in the living room and checked the kitchen to see what was on hand. If she could get Bette to agree, she intended to make sure she did not follow her usual pattern of starving her sorrow.

Tina heard the door open and went to greet Angus and Angelica. "Hello, Angel! Hi, Angus." She kissed Angus on the cheek as she took Angelica. Angus looked at her in puzzlement. "I saw your car in the driveway, but not Jodie’s. And where’s Bette?"

Cradling Angelica under her chin, Tina lowered her voice. "She’s in taking a bath. Jodie left her." Angus’s eyes grew wide. "No way. Is she okay?"

"For the moment. I trying to help her see that it’s not her fault. You know Bette; she takes responsibility for everything onto herself. It’s the flip side of trying to control everything," Tina explained.

Setting down Angelica’s bag, Angus said in a low voice, "I thought she was getting better about that."

Tina answered in an equally subdued tone, "She has been, but old habit die hard and this has been quite a blow. We all saw it coming, but she was determined not to. Hey, do me a favor, okay? Spread the word, but tell everyone not to call tonight, will you? She needs time to think without having to explain her feelings over and over again."

Angus gave Tina and Angelica a quick hug. "Sure, no problem. Call if you need help, though, okay?"

"Thanks, Angus, I will." Tina quietly shut and locked the door behind him, then turned her attention to her daughter.

"Hi, Angel," she repeated. "Would you like to see Mama B?" Angelica’s eyes lit up and she began to bounce up and down in anticipation. Tina chuckled and started down the hallway. "She’ll be so happy to see you. You are definitely the best medicine for a broken heart." Angelica smiled in agreement, not knowing what Tina meant, but figuring that if her mommy was laughing it was a good thing.