Vignettes of the Heart – 11

Tina and Bette sat across from one another, both keeping one eye on Angelica and the other on the woman in front of her. It was as if neither could really believe that their dreams had come so suddenly come true. Tina broke the silence between them, "Babe, we really need to go shopping. I’m getting tired of omelets." Bette laughed, "You know me. I think I would have starved had Jodi not been so interested in food," she commented without thinking.

The mention of Jodi sobered Tina immediately. Bette realized what she had said and bowed her head. "I’m sorry, T." Tina reached out and linked Bette’s fingers with hers. "It’s okay, Bette. I’ve been aware of Jodi for quite a while now," she said with a weak smile. "I am also aware that you will have to work through your feelings regarding her." Bette’s eyes filled with tears. "I don’t deserve you, T. I never did."

"That’s not true," Tina responded forcefully. This was exactly what she was afraid would happen, that Bette would allow Jodi’s leaving to compound her feelings of unworthiness. "Bette, look at me," Tina commanded, trying to stay calm so Angelica would not be alarmed. Once Bette met her eyes, Tina continued, "Bette, you are the most wonderful woman I have ever known. You are my other half." She paused and took a deep breath, searching for the right words.

She began again. "I have done a lot of growing in the past two years, and a lot of self-discovery." Tina clasped both of Bette’s hands in hers. "Among the many things I have learned about myself are the fact that I will never be with anybody I do not feel is my equal in every way, and that I love you more than life itself." Bette blinked and tears made their way down her cheeks. Tina continued, "I want to be with you, Bette, and nobody else. You are worthy of me, and always have been. No, you aren’t perfect, but I wouldn’t have you if you were," she added with a half-smile. "I love you for your imperfections, Bette, not just in spite of them. I need you to understand this, Babe, because your insecurities will destroy us if you don’t overcome them."

Tina got up, walked around to Bette’s side of the table, and put her arms around the weeping woman. Bette leaned into Tina and began to cry in earnest. In between sobs, she tried to make herself understood. "T…I am so sorry for everything…for Candace…taking you for granted…not supporting our family…for not loving you well enough…for not trying harder…" Tina stroked tumbled curls, "Shhh, Babe, it’s okay. I’m sorry, too. I am to blame for much of what went wrong, and for all my actions afterwards. What matters now is the present and the future. And for now and forever, I want to be with you, Bette. Only you."

Bette’s sobs slowed and her tears eventually dried up. By this time, Angelica had finished smearing her rice cereal around the high chair tray. Tina began cleaning her and her surroundings. "I think we all need to go for a swim. It’s a beautiful morning, and it’s a shame to spend it indoors." She leaned down and kissed Bette on the forehead. "Babe, I’m going to put Angelica in her suit. Join us. Please," she gently implored. Bette looked up at Tina, who was standing with Angelica perched on her hip. She pulled Tina by the hand, tugging her down and softly kissed her on the lips. "I’ll just clean up breakfast." As Tina began to walk away, Bette held on to her hand a moment longer. "Thank you, T. I love you, too."