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    What It Feels Like

    Story written on July 7, 2010 by tiggerbounced.
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    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Genre(s):
    Rating:
    fanfiction(s):
    Character(s): ,
    Number of Comments: 6
    Words: 2509
    Story Shortlink: https://www.assertive-maroon-jellyfish.104-250-143-187.cpanel.site/?p=75907
    Author Notes:

    An angsty one-off

    Everything’s so right I know there’s gotta be something wrong
    We ain’t never lasted without a fight for so long

    Bette was feeling frustrated, worried and relieved. She was frustrated that there seemed to be this coldness between her and Tina, even after Tina had made the decision to move back. Yet relieved, for that meant that they were not quarrelling for that seemed to be all they did nowadays. Quarrelling about money, about Angelica’s adoption, everything. But then again, why was Tina not quarrelling with her anymore?

    Gone for days telling me you’re on vacation
    I remember using that same explanation

    Tina had just gone on a trip last week, to a set in New York. After she came back, the coldness seemed to increase. They were going about their lives in this mind-numbing, almost catatonic manner. There was no warmth, no love, unless it was directed towards Angelica.

    And it feels like I’m slowly losing control

    It was driving Bette nuts.

    Subtle little changes,
    So subtle that I really can’t name them

    There was something different. Something that Bette could not put her finger on.

    It’s playing on my mind
    I can’t sleep at night, I can’t sleep at night

    Was it the way Tina no longer immediately snuggled into her when Bette tried to spoon her? Even though they both knew it was the only way both could get a good night’s rest? Questions filled her mind and round and round they went, inevitably unanswered.

    You’re only doing what I did to you
    And I guess I deserve it

    This reminded Bette of the time they had just lost their son, both of them dancing around one another, not wanting to bring up the real issue at the heart of all the pain and loss. Tina was hurting Bette with her behavior, but why should Bette complain? Hadn’t she been the first one to hurt Tina?

    Now I know what it feels like 
    What it feels like, what it feels like
    This is what it feels like

    Her heart, crushed by Tina’s own hands. Wringed by Tina’s own actions. Then stomped on by Tina’s own feet. There were no words to express the depths of the pain and hurt that she was feeling.

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    Comments

    2. Wow, little one, you have done an outstanding job showing us what Bette is now feeling and understanding of the time when she hurt Tina. Surely you can find it in your heart and mind to give us a little bit more of this story to clear up what is going on with Tina and how she is feeling, etc, etc. Bettes’ pain is almost palpable. You are quite a writer to be so young. Check for a PM that I will write when I finish this. Thanks for posting and keeping us entertained.

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