As Spencer entered the room, the woman looked her up and down. “Where’s the doctor?” she inquired. Ouch ok well fair enough.

“I am the doctor … who operated on your husband.” She paused before she could say anymore.

“How is he?”

Neither child was paying much attention to Spencer at this moment in time. How do you really tell someone that their loved one is gone? “He didn’t survive”

“What?” The woman had a look of surprise on her face. That look you get when you walk into a surprise birthday party that you wish hadn’t been thrown for you. A sense of shock and yet horrible disappointment.

“We were able to restore blood flow to the heart but he developed a lethal arthymia and we weren’t able to resuscitate him”

“Wait a what?” The daughter choked out, obviously having heard enough to realize that this months issue of AP was probably not the most important thing to be focusing on at the moment.

“Im sorry” Doctor Carlin replied. She watched as Tom’s family flung themselves together gasping and sobbing, tugging at the necks of shirts and holding each other close.

——————————————————————-

The stairway was dark, light hardly pouring in the tiny windows. Spencer marched up the stairs, stomping her feet determinedly. She made her way up several flights before she stopped collapsing in front of a dirty window. She hugged her knees tightly, pulling herself into a tiny little ball. Her blonde mop flew into her face covering her soft blue eyes that were now bloodshot. On the table, on my table she gasped choking on her air, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry she rocked back and forth on the balls over feet. What happened? What happened? It was text book, it was textbook!she screamed inside her head.

Ashley knelt in front of the young blonde. Listening to what the girl was thinking. She watched as the doctor sobbed uncontrollably. She saw the tears drip down her cheeks. Tears. What do they feel like, sliding down your skin? Spencer hiccupped and Ashley looked deep into her eyes. All she wanted was to scoop the girl up into her arms and to save her from the pain that death could cause. Spencer looked straight ahead, and Ashley’s breathing hitched. The brunette raised her hand and waved it slowly back and forth in front of the girl’s eyes. The young doctor didn’t flinch but instead nuzzled her head into the crook of her arm.

I’m so sorry the room was so big. I was so small, how did I get so small? I should of gone back on I should of massaged longer I lost it I lost it

There wasn’t anything you could do. Ashley wanted to tell her. It was his time. You can’t save everyone, even though you try so hard. You fought so hard for him; you need to know that that’s what’s important. That you fight for what you believe in.

Spencer continued to cry.