Stopping by the video store I pick up some horror flicks I haven’t seen yet and head home. I walked the stairs up to my apartment instead of taking the elevator. I figure it’d serve me some good since I’ve been slacking on my gym routine lately due to wallowing.

‘Ahhh home sweet home.’ I change into sweats and a beater, grab a beer, pop in ‘High Tension’ and get comfy in my recliner. I swear this is the best chair ever made. I feel so small in it. My feet hang high of the ground. I rarely actually recline it back. I love to rock slowly back and forth. It’s soothing and an easy way to lull me to sleep or a perfect aid to processing my thoughts.

—–

So I’m about halfway through this movie. I swear it’s the slowest buildup to nothing I’ve ever seen in my life. I’ve been fast forwarding most of it. I mean come on they could’ve at least had some better tension music if we were gonna watch this crazy ass chick wait and be chased through most of the damn movie. ‘Oh wait.’ “Play, dammit, play. I think she said something.” ‘Awww boo. She was just yelling on the phone.’ I press the fast forward button again and wait for something interesting to happen.

—–

“What the hell?!” ‘Is that seriously it?’ I knew better than to pick up this fucking movie. Besides having to force my way through the terrible voice-over, it was so predictable. I knew she was in love with her best friend from the first five minutes of the movie. I wasn’t expecting her to be the killer but whoever made this movie definitely didn’t think it through enough. There are chunks that don’t even make since. How the hell does she chase her fucking self in the woods? This shit is crazy and the now I can’t stop laughing because I can’t get that fucking line out of my head and her facial expression at the end in the mental ward. I should call someone and leave a creepy voicemail saying, ‘I won’t let anyone come between us anymore’ over and over. Man that was a complete waste of time.