Pussy.

“Look,” I said, standing up to leave, “I’ll be in contact with you. And in case you don’t realize it, I know where you live. Just try not showing up when we get called to court and you’ll be having a lifetime worth of little blonde nightmares, k?”

“I already did. You’re in serious need of a bikini wax, my friend. I’d get that handled.”

I could’ve killed her, but I like to consider myself a woman of class. So instead I smiled tightly and walked out with my head held high. I wasn’t going to let this low-brow actress get the best of me. I was the bigger person. The adult.

I would simply edit her wikipedia page.

Ah, revenge is sweet.

I drove to my downtown loft blasting my Beethoven/Wagner playlist and wondering how the hell I had let my rational slip long enough to let something like this happen. It didn’t make sense. This wasn’t who I was. And she…

God.

She was the worst possible version of a human that I could imagine. Everything I hated. Everything wrong with the dating pool. That’s why Carmen and I were so perfect together—despite what Chelsea thought. She was just like me.

People, she and I would sit down on a Sunday night and schedule our weeks together down to the hour. Down to how long we’d be in the shower or what we were eating for every meal. It was so romantic. That’s what love is supposed to be.

Mutual organization and planning so that you can have a future together without the fear of surprises. We were ready for any “spontaneous” mishap.

It was beautiful.

So why wasn’t that good enough for her anymore? Where had the plan gone awry? It didn’t make sense. It didn’t make logical fucking sense.

Nonsense, see? Nonsense is what it was.

I arrived at my loft just in time to see Chelsea locking my door. She had a key in case I ever went on a business trip and needed someone to check on my goldfish. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I had the automatic cleaner and feeder, but I feel like fish need to be stared at through the glass for awhile in order to survive their longest. They like being observed. Trust me.