The zoo was so much fun. Ashley is seriously the sweetest person I have ever met in my life. I never knew someone could care so much about me. I’ve always felt so alone in my life. I know my parents are always there but I can’t exactly sit down with my mom and talk to her about everything going on in my life right now. If I told her that I’m gay and completely in love with Ashley she would throw me out of her house and disown me. My whole life I’ve heard how much being gay is a sin but I wonder if it’s a sin then why does it make me happier than not sinning? Also, if I wasn’t meant to love Ashley then why would God send her into my life and make me happier than I have been in a really long time?

            Sometimes I just don’t get why things are the way they are. I mean, why does it matter who I’m in love with? If I was in love with a guy right now my mother wouldn’t think of kicking me out of her house and disowning me. She would be happy that I was in love. Why isn’t it the same with Ashley? I’m in love and happy. That should be just as great to them right? Plus, my mom shouldn’t feel the way she does about homosexuals because God says love everyone. We are all God’s children and he loves us all the same so what makes people think they can hate someone just because they’re gay?

            The worst thing is that when I was in Ohio I was a lot like my mom. I would say ignorant things like If God meant for people to be gay he would have created Adam and Steve not Adam and Eve. I hate thinking about those days. It was mainly that I was trying to deny my feelings but that doesn’t make it any better. I was angry with myself for having these feelings that I lashed out on the thing that I was feeling. It was wrong and I hate myself for it. I wish I could go back and erase everything I said. The only thing that makes me feel a little but better is the fact that I had gay friends after a while. I became close with one and he and I kind of reached a point where he understands me. I’m pretty sure he knew the feelings I had before I left. He would always look at me different and talk about how hard it was to come out to his mother. Of course my other friends were there but I knew he was talking to me. I wanted to tell him but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. I was too ashamed by how I had behaved before. L.A. gave me a chance to start over and do everything the way I wanted to.