My name is Spencer Carlin. I’m 18 years old and most people think i have a perfect life. but the fact is, i hate my life. i mean, i have caring parents and a great older brother who watches over me. but i have this hole in my heart that i can’t seem to fill. i also have a big problem that my parents aren’t aware of… I’m gay. what makes this worse is I’m in love with my best friend Ashley Davies. she doesn’t know anything about my feelings though. and i don’t plan on telling her. i shouldn’t be friends with her because I’m just torturing myself, but I can’t resist her. she’s intoxicating. If I’m away from her for too long i end up missing her so much it hurts. i don’t know how to stop being attracted to her! this was all about to get worse when i was at home alone and the doorbell rang…

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i ran down the stairs wondering who it could be. i opened the door to find Ashley smiling at me.

-Hey you, i bought this new scary movie today and i figured we could watch it together.

she said as she stepped through the door and proceeded to take off her jacket. i stared at her slender figure with desire. i quickly snapped back to reality and answered her.

-ok cool, we can watch it upstairs.

i gave her a quick smile and led the way.

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the only light in the room was the tv, and we were snuggled close together. the warmth of Ashley’s body against mine gave me a sense of security. i hated scary movies so at every part that freaked me out i buried my face deep in her shoulder. she didn’t seem to mind, she would just giggle softly and pull me closer. when the movie was finally over, i yawned and clicked off the tv. we sat on my bed silently for a few minutes. Ashley was the first to speak.

-sorry i just dropped by without calling first.

i looked at her perfect face and couldn’t help but smile.

-don’t be sorry, i’m really glad you did.

i replied quietly as i brushed a peice of her hair behind her ear. i continued to stare at her perfection until her eyes met mine. i tried to look away but she held my gaze. i could feel my pulse quicken and my breathing speed up. a wave of desire suddenly rocked me and it took all i could to keep my self control. her hand brushed against my cheek and her face slowly began to lower towards mine. i wanted the kiss so bad but my body wouldn’t respond. her lips were barely and inch from mine and my mouth began to water. i could feel her warm breath dance across my face. i moved my head forward trying to get our lips to meet. Ashley broke the gaze and quickly got off the bed.

-Ash…

i whispered, disappointment staining my voice.

-no, don’t… i just… i really need to go.

she stuttered as she grabbed her movie and jacket. she stole on last glance at me and bolted out my door. i couldn’t chase after her, the rejection had stung my heart and filled me with pain. the tears began to flow freely as i heard the front door slam shut.

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