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AbsoLutely FabuLous: What Would Anna Wintour Do?
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“Helloooooooooooooo!” Tina and Henry had arrived. Tina walked in, but Henry sort of slunk his way into the room. He sat down looking jumpy and glancing about. “Oh don’t mind him.” Tina said loudly, waving a dismissive hand. “He’s worried about this California cult leader, keeps calling the house, wondering if he’ll return for service. Something about needing money to buy enough Kool-Aid for at least a hundred thousand people. I said sir, we’re lucky if we have money to buy Kool-Aid for ourselves, that’s what I said. Looooooooordy, we are penniless…”
Alice and Shane curled their upper lips at Tina as she continued. “Good god woman!” Alice shouted, interrupting her. “Do you always break into people’s homes to tell them the sordid details of your husband’s sorry life?” Shane snorted, but looked Tina over appreciatively.
“Where are you off to tonite?” Shane asked, arching an eyebrow at her. She curled her lip snidely again as Tina said that she was meeting with Bette to discuss some sort of charity event.
“Charity. What is it? Anything I can help with?” Alice leaned forward.
“Charity, Al, not self-serving, self-indulgent attempts at promoting yourself and your pathetic image.” Dana turned away from making tea long enough to jab her roommate.
“ugh, are you still here? Don’t you have balls to break?” Alice poked Dana in the back, gently, if annoyingly. “And where’s Lara? She at least keeps you calm—always good for a little roll in the hay that one. Don’t suppose she’ll be dropping by to relieve all of this pent up frustration? Hmmm? Darling? Hmmm?” Alice poked Dana with every word, annoyed that the other woman was ignoring her completely.
Henry had lit one of his patented cigars. It calmed him somewhat and he stopped looking around worridly.
Alice and Dana were bickering when the buzzer rang again. Bette had arrived with Jenny in tow.
“No, I want Donatella in person this time, not on the phone. She’s incoherent as it is…”
“On the phooooooooone….” Jenny earned a swat from Bette for this. “In person!” She squeaked instead.
“Darlings.” Bette greeted them all, doing her best to look bored with Tina’s presence. “All right, we’re off.” Tina practically scurried after her as Jenny was left behind, taking notes on everything that Alice, Dana and Shane were shouting. Henry looked unaffected by the sudden and abrupt departure of his wife.
Charity events, best discussed in expensive hotel rooms, preferably from bed, do not plan themselves.
Bette and Tina spent hours sorting through the finer details.
TBC…
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Wow, all that booze left me feeling headachey and dehydrated. Or maybe it’s the flu I’ve had all week. Here’s hoping that the fictional models of this story are better looking in person than the one’s I used to be around when I worked at a photo studio and then a model agency. What can I tell you, camera magic and skilled retouching. For EVERYBODY. Not always the sharpest tacks, either.
LOL, you’re a F**’ing crackup. I know, retouching is key…I only know this from how film affects how a person looks though. Much prettier in lots of ways! As for the sharpest tacks…now now, let’s not be catty;)
I only speak from my personal experience. Should I take it that you’d prefer it doggy style?
LMAO…omigod…I…I…I have nothing to say to that…I have no objections, I suppose. *turns red*
Funtastic…..is this a post Tina and Bette story???? just checkin’…Absolutely Fabulous is one of my fav shows. Keep it coming…
Gee, helebette, I never imagined you for the blusing type. Its kind of cute.
Uh, ‘blushing’. See tonight’s other intallment for comments about typos.
im lovin this story very funny and cool..hey are yous gonna get alice and dana to get together?? that would be awesome is it just me or do i sense someting there lol nice writing neways :)
hehe … I never got the chance to comment before (damn icelandic computers in arabic .. hehe) um so .. hehe, i love the bette/helena tease, *so* your arena, now i get left b and t and a hotel room, hmn… what to do with such a thing, Dana and Alice are a hoot .. hehe, loving the Ab Fabness and yours and funnyone’s comments are a hoot too ;)
Love it. Two of my fave shows combined. Im in hospital at the moment and laughed so hard 2 nurses came running cos they thought i was dying or something. Please keep going
i’m sorry, i don’t know when this comment section became my personal posting area, but i’m going to continue because it’s been fun to do so:lovintina, that’s touching. for serious, i love that i helped you to worry the nurses.funnyone…it has been extensively covered on the boards, this blushing habit of mine and how i’m actually a very SHY womaniz…errrr…woman. ‘n stuff. and i don’t mind your typos. they’re usually amusing. sometimes they’re boring. sometimes tepid. sometimes a revelation…
I absolutely love this story, I like how you make fun of the “celebrities” and the “””love rectangle””” between Henry x Tina x Bette x Helena is great!!!… Thanks
Hilarious!