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Don’t Give Up #08
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"So you’ve decided to get rid of the.. Baby". I couldn’t breathe, this baby was growing inside of her and would soon be gone. I was terrified this child would feel everything that was happening to them. Anger hit me like a ton of bricks falling from the sky.
"I’m sorry, I just feel this is the best decision". She reached over to hold my hand. Her hand was warm, her smooth milky skin looked better than it ever had next to mine. She tightened her grip, but the pain didn’t subside it felt worse. Her hand in mine seemed like a lifetime ago, it still felt right even through all the pain that was boiling over.
"How could this possibly be the best decision for us, this is a mistake Tina. And I want you to realize that no matter what has gone on between us this child never asked for any of this. [This child was conceived during a time our relationship and love was pretty much still intact]. Even through all the pain, even I can see that we would could still provide stability, love and safety for this child." I wanted Tina to understand I would provide all of these things for our child regardless of whether we were together or not.
I could see from her face she was contemplating what I had said. Her fingers were interlacing mine, I wanted her and this baby more than anything in this world or lifetime. They were all I needed I saw that now. It was like the fog had cleared and I could see clearly for the first time in a long while she had been standing in front of me all this time.
"I don’t doubt that you would provide those things. But I doubt myself. And doubt isn’t something I want to go into this with. I want to be certain not just for me but for this baby. You know its easier than said to be all those things and more. Right now, I don’t believe having this child would be the right thing for all of our sakes." She turned away, fighting back more tears from falling as I let mine cascade like a waterfall I wasn’t afraid to show my pain. I wanted her to see what all this was doing to my very core.
"Tina I will love you and this child regardless of your doubts; I realize this isn’t the ideal- white picket fence suburban family lifestyle. But this child will be loved; give them the childhood growing up you and I only wish we had. I would never deprive them of happiness you have to know that much." She stared at me as I reached in to elope her in a hug. She was hestistant at first to recipitate my long arms wrapping around her. But as I breathed in she let her body slumber into mine. She slumped into me, it was as if her body had gave into the submission of me wanting some consoling.
I wispered into her ear, "I’ll always love you, but I promise I will be there for you no matter what". It was hard for me to say those words, but I felt in my heart it would never be any other way.
"I hope you mean that." She paused, "I have… Erm I have an appointment for next week Tuesday and I would like you to be there."
I couldn’t move. My arms fall from her body.
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Bette and Tina’s reasons for wanting a child was because they thought it would fix their relationship when it was just struggling and maybe they had a chance (although small) with the first pregnancy. However this second pregnancy was even more ill-concieved because it sounds like Tina was mainly acting as a surrogate for Bette’s baby and has little connection to it for herself otherwise it would never enter their minds that Tina’s decision to abort had anything to do with Bette’s infidelity or the fact that they are no longer together. Tina needs to stop thinking of this child as a commodity or something they can just dispose of because it comes at an inconvinient time or no longer suits their purpose.
This is Tinas baby,she had to make the decision.PPS
I hoped the appointment is for an ultrasound scan instead of an abortion. Thanks for this update and I am anxious to see more.
First, congratulations and I wish you all the best. Second, if the appointment is for an abortion, Tina’s really just trying to stick it to Bette even more than I thought. Tina has a right to decide what she wants to do but to tell Bette about the baby and then ask her to be there for the abortion is horrible. See how angry you just made me, lol. Nice chapter. Can’t wait for #9.
Great update. Personally with the last statement Tina made, “I hope you mean that….” That says to me that Tina wants her there for an ultrasound to see how Bette acts towards her and the baby. Tina doesn’t really want an abortion, at the moment she is not sure of Bette’s feelings because she herself does not want to be without Bette in her life and Bette wants and needs her as well. I think after Bette’s declaration Tina is having second thoughts of having the abortion. At least that is how I am reading those last few lines of the story. Hope I’m right. These last couple chapters have been very thought provoking and gives us a lot to think about. Abortion is sometimes not a good thing and I think it is not good for this couple, Tina could, if she truly does not want the child, carry her and give up the child to Bette for adoption. Don’t think Tina would ever think of this but she should give it a thought and maybe that could be why she wants Bette at the appointment on Tuesday. Tina will always be sorry she has given up the child or aborted it. She will never be free of the guilt especially if Bette rears the child alone. I believe that Bette would never have another person in her life as long as she has her child with her. Hoping for Tina to come back to them. Can hardly wait to see what happens next. Thanks for posting.
No! No! Please fix this. Please let them work it out…it’s just so damn sad. Thank you for this story and congrats!
wonder is that an regular or ‘that’ kind of appointment…hmm…love this story! heartbraking!
Nooooooooooooo! Tina don’t do it please!!!! I hurt my knee running this morning but it is nothing compared to that! Fix it…….I mean it! :0)
Oh please, please let Tina change her mind. I really hope she doesn’t go thru with it. It think it would actually kill Bette. Bette has to make Tina see that they could make this work. She better bust her ass to change Tina’s mind and show her that she not only loves her and this child, but they could make things right between them once again. If Tina really doesn’t want the child couldn’t she just have it and give it to Bette? just a thought….I’m so depressed now. You are a very good writer and I’ll stick with this story no matter Tina’s decision. PPS
Ah….i somehow don’t think Bette is going to show up and comfort Tina whe she aborts their child. This is DRA-MA! Maybe Bette can convince Tina to change her mind; if not i don’t think Bette will ever be able to forgive Tina deep down in her soul (no matter what her mind says). Great post!
Depressing, but wonderfully written! PPS
i personally dont agree with Tina having the abortion but i gotta give it to you its kinda hard for a kid to be born into a relationship where in this case mommy and mommy aren’t getting along. i just hope everything works out for Bette and Tina.
If you let Tina abort the baby I’m going to ignore this story… seriously… TINA KEEP THE BABY!!!!!!!!!!
i forgot PPS
now the way i read those last few sentences.. tina wants bette to go to the doc’s appointment.. not to abort… by her saying “I hope you mean that”… i also believe deep down tina wants this baby more then ever… she just wants to make sure bette also wants this baby… great chapter… pps