“I came here to have much more than a peanut…”, she confesses quietly and this time is Carmen’s turn to look up dumbfounded. Her eyes are expressive, as usual, but she can’t manage to spit out a single remark. Each of them has the ability to make the other speechless, that’s a gospel.

“You’ve changed…”, Shane murmurs, looking at Carmen squarely, “…Your hair is longer, lighter. You’re thinner…”.

Carmen clenches her jaw, getting defensive, because she realizes that the only thing she wants, at this point, is to jump on Shane and slap her, then kiss her, and finally fuck her for a solid eight hours.

“…You’ve never been so beautiful…”, Shane mutters as if she’s stating a simple, undeniable truth.

When Carmen doesn’t reply, she stands up, smoothing down her shirt and sighing.

“Okay… You know what, Carm? I’ve never been brave. Now I understand that. That thing between Jenny and me has been the lowest low in my cowardice. I didn’t want to hurt her so I gave her what she wanted, because it was the easiest way out, because I couldn’t bear her pain and I was much readier to ignore mine. At the same time, I left you because stepping away was the easiest way out for me. I thought it was for the best. But it wasn’t…”.

She sighs again and motions for the hallway.

“Wait”.

Carmen calls her out, quietly, but Shane hears. She’s been waiting for that, for that simple word. Wait. She smiles to herself, then turns serious and exhales.

“What?”, she asks, turning back to Carmen.

“It wasn’t?”, Carmen asks, feebly and looks at her. Her eyes are vulnerable. Open.

Shane fights the impulse of running toward her and pull her into her arms. Instead, she just shakes her head.

“No. You were the best. We were the best. You and I were the best, together. You were the biggest quest of my life. The most important thing. You still are. You’ll always be”.

Carmen closes her eyes, tries to silence the deafening sound of her heart pumping into all of her cells. Then she hears the door close, quietly, and stands up hastily.

She reaches for the door, panicking to see Shane disappear. Again and once and for all. She shouldn’t be running, she shouldn’t be wanting her back, she should be mad, but she isn’t, she’s just

Complete.

Somehow.

Lighter.

She opens the door with all of her strength, staggering, sure to find the emptiness of the corridor waiting for her, and instead Shane is there, facing the door, as if she’d just arrived.

“Shane… I thought that you…”.

“…I couldn’t. I can’t”.

Carmen purses her lips, tightly, shakes her head slowly, and her eyes are flaming now, full of a wide variety of different feelings and sensations.

She grabs Shane by her tie.

“Goddamn you, Shane. Come here”, she breaths out, and Shane’s lips are on hers, Shane’s hands are on the small of her back, Shane’s body is pressed against hers, and together they’re struggling to step into the apartment again, already breathing heavily, panting.

They slam the door shut and kiss, deeply. It’s like not a single day has passed since their last touch, since their last kiss. Everything is still the same and yet completely different. Hopelessly changed.

Carmen wraps her arms around Shane’s neck, pulls her closer, kisses her, squeezing her eyes shut, and shivers when feels Shane’s fingers fiddle with her sweater pants, sneaking under the fabric, stroking her skin.

“Ah…”, she lets out pulling back, but then Shane’s lips are on hers, again, and she can’t speak anymore.

“Why?… Why were you sad?”, Shane whispers against her mouth, against her neck, as Carmen starts unbuttoning her shirt, “…Why so sad?”.

“I couldn’t breathe…”, Carmen confesses in a whimper, reacquainting herself with Shane’s body and heath, “…I wanted to kill you and take you back at the same time. I wanted to be the one for you, the right one. I wanted you to be looking for me. I wanted another chance…”.

Shane’s hands under her t-shirt and their touch is electrifying.

“I want much more than a remembrance of you. I want everything”.