Labyrinth Of Emotions – 02.05 – Regret

            Sam was on the couch sleeping because her first real day of rehab had just tired her out, of course she’d pushed a lot harder than she should have. That was her nature, she had to be the best, working harder, sleeping less, reading more, and coming out smelling like roses in the end. Right now she wished that she did smell like those proverbial roses, because then at least she’d be feeling something, right now she wasn’t. She found herself cold, as if something had been ripped from her very soul. She turned on the couch, closing her eyes again and drifting in out of a fitful nap.

            Shane and Lara had been there when she’d arrived, and Lara had blurted out what had happened with Dana. Lara had paced the room, shaking her mane of red hair, and Shane was covering her eyes throughout the whole confession. Sam was sure that she’d counseled Lara to stay mum about it, but Lara was much to honest for that. Sam had sat there, thinking about the kiss, wondering what she’d have done a few months before she’d have kicked the tennis players ass. That was the old Sam, the new Sam she felt nothing of the sort.

            After a few minutes Sam had chuckled and told Lara she over reacted, she was fine. It was a kiss, and Lara had kissed Sam telling her that she was too good to be true.  Sam had told her that they’d find out someday, just how good she was. Sam had sent Shane and Lara out to fetch some food and she was taking a nap.

            Shane had pulled her to the door telling Sam they’d take their time, and they’d stop by the Planet for a coffee and a chat. Lara had muttered about not wanting to leave Sam alone, but Shane had finally gotten her to leave. Sam had stretched out on the couch, finally getting off her dead tired feet.

            She was sure she’d heard the front door open Sam didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, the soft jazz playing on the Sirius radio station. She ignored it she figured that it was Lara and Shane and that they were back already. She pulled the cotton blanket around her, and settled into the couch again, she’d get up in a little bit, she was warm and comfortable she didn’t want to move. They could set up the food, Shane had said something about Chinese, or was it Tai food? Sam didn’t remember she drifted.

            After a while she was sure that there was someone staring at her, but Lara did that often, so she drifted back off to sleep. Then she realized Lara always turned the TV off and the radio on, there was a DJ that played music at this time Kace. She started to move to her back, thinking that perhaps she had an intruder. Quiet ass intruder, but you never did know now a days, did you? She cracked open her right eye, grey and serious as it focused on the person sitting on the end of the couch.

            Sam sat up slowly, her jaw set in anger as she rubbed away the rest of the sleep that clung to her she tugged the blanket up and gave the woman at the end of the couch a deadly look. She was tempted to throw a fit, but she just said in a steely voice. How easy that emotion was, the only real emotion she’d been able to muster up, anger. Now it flooded her; overwhelming her and over taking her fully.

            “I think you have the wrong house, I suggest you leave. Daddy’s house is in San Francisco. Turn right at the stop sign and pass through hell to get there.” Sam said her voice cold, devoid of emotion but filled with a brimming hate. She felt her new heart thumping in her chest, and she forced herself to calm down. Don’t give yourself into a coronary over seeing her, calm down Sam. She thought to herself but her heart and body were not listening to her.

            “I know exactly where I am.” She said getting up from her spot on the couch, and Sam pulled her feet to her as if pulling away from HER . God it hurt to see her, why did it still hurt? It had been three years, three long, hard, pain filled years of getting over her.

            “What do you want?” Sam asked in an icy voice, deeper than her normal voice. God did she really sound that deadly right now, she didn’t recognize her own voice as she spoke now she hated her for making her sound this way.

            “I came to check on you, I hope that is ok. We do have a…” Sam cut her off before she could say another word. Now she was passed angry and working into fit to be tied.

            “Don’t say it just if you say history I’m liable to get a gun and shoot you. You are no longer invited into this house, I revoke that invitation. If I have too, I’ll find a Shaman and remove the invite I swear I’ll go all medieval on your Fergie looking ass.” Sam said the venom in her voice now. She watched as the dark blonde sighed, her shoulders dropping and Sam felt bad for just an instant.

            “I am not a vampire for you to banish from your sight Samantha I was your….” Sam was losing her temper she didn’t let her finish the sentence. Passed fit to be tied, and right into enraged.

            “I told you to shut up, now get out. I don’t want you here, not now, and certainly not ever, you made that perfectly clear.” Growled Sam and her uninvited guest just stared at her.

            “How long is your heart going to hold up if you keep exerting yourself? How long do you have left if you do that to yourself?” She asked and Sam was stunned, she didn’t know about her heart transplant, she thought she was dying. Of course she’d kept things quiet, and the transplant had happened in New York. Jo had worked every magic she knew to keep it out of the paper, to keep it as quiet as possible. It had worked, very well it seemed. Well fuck her and Holy Grail she rode in on.

            “How about you worry about Daddy and how he’ll react when he finds out you came for a visit, back to the den of inequity.” Sam‘s sarcasm dripping with each syllable as she stood up her eyes flashing with the pure anger she had for this woman. The blanket floated to the floor, the world seemed to be moving in some sort of slow motion, stuck in pudding, her vision going hazy as she spoke.

            “He isn’t going to find out, is he?” She said with reassurance in her place in Sam‘s very fragile heart, the thing was it was a different heart. Sam was a different woman now, she was no longer broken Lara had fixed that broken soul with time and caring. She’d moved past the pain, and into a limbo of emotions ready for more but having to wait at the same time.

            Sam moved up to her the heat in her eyes very evident to her now. She looked her up and down, sexy body the deep smoky voice the long fingers that played you like a piano. She was still physically attractive, but there was something inside of her that was now different too.

            “Get out.” Sam ordered walking to the door, and the dark blonde walked over her hand on the door as Sam tried to open it, her guest slammed it shut. Sam flinched at the harsh banging sound.

            “I thought you were dead and I find you in very pissed off spirits, are you hitting that stage now? The one where you hate everyone that loves you?” She asked her voice actually carrying a tinge of worry. Fucking good actress she was, but then again, she’d been when they’d been together, hadn’t she?

            “Love? LOVE? You dare fucking talk to me about love? Did he leave you the bastard that knocked you up? Dylan was his name right? Are you all alone now just you, baby and daddy? Is that it? Do you think you can come here and guilt me into more money? Is that what you want? Fuck you! I am not your personal Bank of America. You left you wanted the baby. I was fine with that! I would have spent what time I had left with you and the baby. But no, you wanted the ‘normal’ life. Finally giving into your fucking hateful father and his crap about us being sinful for loving one another. You never respected out love if you went running back to him!” Sam spat and CJ stepped back, swallowing.

            “You don’t need it Sam, I know that sounds cruel, but you are dying. I have a child, Lee needs to be taken care of. I want the best for him, yes you could have given me that, and I see that now. But…” CJ stammered, her hands clenching into balls desperate to have Sam understand that her state of mind wasn’t what it should have been when she found out she was pregnant. She’d just found out that Sam was sick dying from heart disease, she didn’t want to raise a child alone. So she’d opted to go with the father of her baby and her parents. Now she was alone again, her father being who he was, and she was trying to raise this child alone, and Sam was still dying.

            “Fuck you Catherine Jane Masters, get the fuck out of my house and get out of my life. Never darken my door step again or I’ll kill you.” Sam said yanking the door open and CJ walked away and Sam closed the door with a resounding slam. CJ stood on the other side, her hand on the oak door as she closed her eyes, wondering who that was in there, it most certainly wasn’t the Sam she’d fallen in love with.

            Sam shuddered her back against the door and she slid down and sat on the cold marble floor. Hell was a better place than where she was right now. Maybe death would have been the kinder, easier option.

*****

            “She’s not your everyday woman is she?” Shane asked as they got into the car, Lara giggled and shook her head. She thought about Sam for a long moment and then said in a confident voice.

            “Good god no. The night I met her at the Island she listened to me for hours about Dana, I mean hours. Then she brought me back to her place and told me to cook. Anything I wanted, if it took all night that was fine. So that is what I did, threw myself into a meal and at the end of the night, I actually felt better. She knew exactly where my passions lay, and it wasn’t with Dana, at least not for an instant. She just seems to know what you need, you know? It’s pretty wonderful.” Lara said with a smile and Shane had a small smile on her own pretty face.

            “You know she and I almost….” Shane began and Lara nodded Sam had told her of the ultra embarrassing moment right after Dana‘s wedding. She’d also understood why Sam would have wanted to sleep with Shane she was sexy in that trashy fuck me hard way. Sam had been dying and that was ok. They’d never really committed to each other for that very reason. Now things were different, Lara saw herself spending a lifetime with Sam.

            “She told me said that she’d met a hot dark haired vixen with the deepest throaty voice at Dana‘s wedding and I knew it was you.” Lara said as she took a left, the food sitting between Shane‘s feet.  “So tell me about Cherie Jaffe?” Lara asked, and Shane‘s eyes narrowed, and Lara smiled sweetly. “Alice told me.”

            “Fucking Al, she never does know when to shut the fuck up, does she? She was a married chick, I was way to into her and now I’m not. End of the story, nothing more to it than that. Can’t you drive faster?”

            “I can, but I’m not going to.” Lara stated and she started to take the long way home, and Shane sighed. Shane thought it over for a few minutes then she got comfortable in the car and turned to Lara, and began.

            “Ok, here is what happened….”

*****

            “Why didn’t you tell me you were Ro the other night?” Tina asked they were settling down to have drinks at Twilight. They’d gotten the continuance that they’d needed, and Tina had sat back and marveled at how Ro spoke, and was right on top of her game, she had more passion that Tina had ever seen. She reminded Tina a bit of a young Bette Porter, confident and strong in their convictions.

            Ro shrugged her petite shoulders her dark eyes always searching Tina‘s as she spoke, and Rosita didn’t quite know why she hadn’t introduced herself before. She’d thought that being mysterious was much more fun.

            “I thought you knew who I was. I see you didn’t.” Ro decided that changing the subject was good. “So you run this place huh? Nice deal you got going on.” Ro stated and Tina nodded, she saw Marina and Jenny in one of the corner booths talking it seemed. On closer inspection, Tina saw Jenny‘s hand moving between Marina‘s legs and she sighed.

            “Great.” Tina grunted and she called the bartender over and Blu slid over smiling at her boss. Wearing sexy tight blue shirt even tighter worn jeans tucking her hair behind her ear. She smiled easily at Tina, and Tina grinned back at her.

            “Yes ma’am.” She said in a dead on accent that had Tina swooning for just an instant, Blu always had that effect on her, and she cleared her throat.

            “Want to have a Heaven card made out for one night only and send it to that table over there?” Blu looked up seeing Marina‘s hips moving in time with Jenny‘s hand and she chuckled, her eyes dancing.

            “Of course, right away boss.” Blu moved away and Rosita pretended to not be impressed, but she was. She loved the way Tina spoke and the way she carried herself. Mother earth with an attitude was her impression of Tina. She smiled just the right side of her mouth curling, caught between a sneer and a smile.

            “What’s Cielo?” Rosita asked, and Tina blinked, trying to access her high school Spanish failing miserable the look of confusion on her face told Ro that Tina hadn’t a clue what she’d said. “Heaven bella, what is Heaven?”

            “OH!” Tina said laughing and taking a drink, “It’s a place to, um, have a private party.” Tina stammered, some reason she was blushing and she didn’t blush. This woman totally dismantled her completely when she spoke to her. She found herself strongly attracted to her, much more than she’d been attracted to Helena almost as fiercely as she’d been attracted to Bette.

            “Ah, sounds rather delectable. You have one of those passes to Heaven ?”       Rosita asked and Tina nodded, swallowing so hard that she heard the click. Oh god, was this woman hitting on her? Or was Tina getting her signals mixed up?  “Well that is good to know, I have court early in the morning. Stop by in the middle of the night at the Center I’ll be there all week. Pleasure to have met you Tina Kennard.” Ro said, throwing some money on the bar and walking away, just like that. Blu came sliding over again and Tina looked up with questioning eyes.

            “Please tell me she is available? Please? I’ve never quite seen a woman move like that before, and her hands? Did you see those hands Tina? Those hands could play me like a bass guitar, and the lips? Could they be any more kissable? Those dark mysterious eyes….” Blu said and Tina narrowed her own eyes and crossed her arms, giving Blu the Back Off look and Blu chuckled.  “Oh, you fancy her yourself do you? All right boss, but if you don’t want her, send her this way would you please?” Tina pulled the drink back to herself, and sipped it.

            “Hell I don’t even know if the woman is gay!”

*****