The three of us remained seated on the desert ground, each reacting just a little differently to the officers intent stare. I sat with my elbows on my bent knees, my palms rubbing my eyes, sunglasses now on top of my head. Bigs and pulled her knees to her chest and covered her ears rocking slightly back and forth acting like Rainman.. I think she was singing the Oscar Meyer bologna song!. And Sugar could have caught enough flies in her open mouth to feed an entire frog village. Good thing she covered it up with her hand.

You see, Officer ALVEREZ was quite a specimen of a man standing 6 ft 4, muscles on top of his tanned muscles and his khaki uniform fitting so tightly to his sculpted body that his masculinity left little to the imagination. He was definitely hung, a fact not lost on our Sugar baby.

So there we were, me with my eyes covered, Bigs with her ears covered and Sug with her open mouth covered – no doubt Nevadas finest thought he was looking at the Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil monkey trio!

With his hand firmly on his gun, Officer Alverez asked, Is there a problem here ladies?
I am sure that THELMA AND LOUISE was required cinema in the patrol academy, thus his guarded demeanor when dealing with us.

Sug was too mesmerized to speak, and Bigs too schizoid. So I brushed myself off and very slowly got to my feet and started to explain. No officer, we just got into a little disagreement about the accommodations my nitwit friend had booked for us in Vegas.
A little spat between friends is all, nothing serious.

He looked me over then looked back at the two still sitting on the ground.

Well, if you all dont mind I am going to have to see some identification and the license and registration of the driver of the van here.

Before I could answer, Sugar jumped to her feet and piped in, No problem officer, wed be happy to show you what you need. Our purses and IDs are in the van which is a rental but I am sure the paper work is in order. Were actually going to a reunion and our friend here (pointing to Bigs still on the ground) seems to have booked us in a hotel quite a distance from the reunion activities. Were not happy with her right now, are we Beach? (looking at me). I shook my head. Definitely not happy with her, officer.

And you are? asked Officer Alverez giving Sug the once over – twice !

Still brushing herself off Sug replied, Betty Sue Dunbar, Officer. But my friends call me Bette. Bigs and I exchanged a look of hysterical horror and did everything we could not to laugh out loud. (BETTE??? OUR SUG IS CALLED BETTE BY HER FRIENDS ? !)

Sugars lawyer instincts were kicking in and she didnt want to give the officer probable cause to search the van since it did contain illegal narcotics – not enough to get us arrested for distributing or dealing but certainly enough for possession. And we had enough L Word paraphernalia to makes us out to be some kind of celebrity psycho stalkers!

So she escorted him to the vehicle and volunteered to get him all of our IDs and the vans registration. By this time I had turned my attention to Bigs and helped her up and warned her to get a grip and stop acting like an idiot savant.

A few minutes later a satisfied Officer Alverez was chatting happily with Sug and handed her what looked like a citation. She looked over the piece of paper, folded it, put it in her pocket then walked the highway patrolman back to his sedan. He hollered to me and Bigs to have a nice vacation, to be careful and hoped that we could put our differences aside and have fun. He spent another minute chatting with Sug then drove off.

*****, BETTE , did he give us a ticket or something?. I asked Sug as she rejoined us.

Smirking and giggling she replied., Shut up you birdbrain and ***** no he didnt give us a ticket. Hes got a brother living in Arlington and is planning a visit next month. So I got his number and Im gonna call him when hes in town.

You made a date with our almost arresting officer BETTE? I asked unbelievably !

Yep! I sure did and you call me BETTE one more time the vultures will be picking apart your body after I kill you and leave you here in the middle of nowhere.

I high fived her and said, Alright, alright, you go girl!

As the three of us stood there breathing loud sighs of relief, I couldnt help myself and started to laugh. Just a little at first, then a little more, then a lot. The other two followed suit, all of us realizing the absolute ludicrous reality of our situation. Pretty soon we were back on the ground rolling around, this time laughing and hugging each other as opposed to beating the ***** out of each other. We were ***** morons, idiots of the highest degree!!

We had wasted over an hour of precious time, time that should have been dedicated to the mission. So we cleaned up as best we could and hopped back into the van for the last leg of our journey.

I was relegated to the back seat while Sug took the wheel. I had to lie down so not to agitate symptoms of my motion sickness disease. While lying there I decided to concede to Bigs and at least entertain the idea of Tina with another woman for next season but not forever. We needed to talk Show talk to get ready for the run through tonight.

Ok, Bigs, Ill compromise on the Tina thing and say that she gets a new girlfriend, but just for a while before she realizes that Bettes the one and goes back to her, OK?

Deal, replied Bigs definitely pleased to have claimed victory be it a small one. So lets throw out some possibilities of guest stars we would like to see next season. Come on Sug, youre not ***** but you watch the Show and I would think you have a fantasy or two about hot women.

And that doesnt include you and Big and some high class hooker in a three-way, I threw in from the back seat.

I was immediately silenced with a simultaneous and double SHUT THE ***** UP from the front seat.

We played this little game for the next several hours as we traveled to our destination, the MGM Grand on the far end of the Strip.

I thought that Gina Gershon, who plays bad so good, would be an excellent choice in the Dana, Tonya, Alice mix – a partner of Tonyas somehow and of course ending up having ***** with all of them at some time during the season! I thought that the girl who drives the forklift at the local Home Depot would be a hottie for Tina, but she was quickly nixed for being MY fantasy and not a celebrity.

Bigs liked that detective on Law and Order SVU, the one with the funny name, Mariska Hargitay, thought she should be a lawyer hot for Tina – the lawyer T hires to pursue of a palimony suit against Bette. The lawyer part made Sug happy . Bigs also liked Mary Louise Parker to become someones babe, maybe Shanes. She thought that MLP was pretty and pretty ***** friendly – Fried Green Tomatoes, Angels in America , Long Time Companion — Bigs really liked her, A LOT !!

Sugar liked the idea of Bette going slutso nutso next season and ***** everything that came her way; thus the possibilities of celebrity hotties for Bette were endless. I couldnt figure out if Sug was actually talking about the Show or about herself! Although her scenario was believable in a sexfest sort of way, I had to disagree on the way Bette would behave next season and chose to believe that she would become celibate until she and Tina reconciled. But thats just me.

I was actually enjoying our conversation about the shows future and apologized to those guys for my behavior earlier in the desert. They were pretty understanding because they were fans of the show too, and accepted my obsession. So I was forgiven and all was well. No sooner had I mentioned that embarrassing episode when we all broke out in stomach aching laughter again ! I promised not to bring it up any more, at least until the mission was accomplished!.

The lights of Sin City were coming into view though we were still a good hour away. That sight and the effects of the awe-inspiring sunset over the deserted desert was one of the most exquisite things I had ever experienced. I sat up in the back seat and was leaning forward with my chin on the headrest behind Bigs. The appreciative silence in the van was more knowingly shared than tensely uncomfortable and the three of us drank in the view with thirsty pleasure as we neared the city. Oh my God, you guys, I whispered. Its so beautiful. I touched the back of each womans head and told them how much I loved them and how much I appreciated their always finding time and making the sacrifice to take the trip. They each touched and held my hand and nodded in agreement.

I broke up that touching little scene after a few seconds since Im not big on mush by shaking my head a little before the tears had a chance to form. Were almost there you guys. Once more Bigs run down the itinerary real quick before we lay out everything later.

By the time Bigs had detailed the mission from the timing on the elevators to the distances covered in the casino and convention hall, we were approaching the Strip minutes from the hotel. Bigs contacts had sent preliminary sketches of the floor on which our room was, the casino layout and the proposed set up for the banquet and speeches to be held in one of the many convention halls at the Grand – that place was HUGE.

Thats just the condensed version, Bigs said as we pulled into the valet parking area of in front of the hotel. Well fine tune it later tonight and walk the route. Right now lets get checked in and cleaned up. Im a frickin mess thanks to Hulk Hogan back there.

Sorry, Bigs, you brought out the worst in me with that Bette and Tina break up bit. I couldnt help myself. Sorry, man.

Enough you guys, Sug once again playing the role of mediator before Bigs could respond. Bigs, get us checked in and YOU take care of everything else.

My punishment for the desert disaster was luggage duty, securing the van and paying ALL the gratuities on the way to the room. Those two hopped out the front and headed to the lobby while I crawled out the back and made arrangements with the bellhop and valet.

As I was idly chatting with the valet and digging in my bag for cash, I glanced around the hotel entrance enthralled with its glamour. My eye caught a very attractive woman– tall,short paige-boy type blonde, elegant, looked a little like a young Jessica Lange. She wore a striking two piece pant suit, well, not exactly a suit, peach colored loose-fitting trousers and a matching sleeveless vest, with nothing underneath but obvious cleavage. She was tanned and accessorized with pearls around her neck and a distinctive silver ring on every finger of both hands She was very animated in her conversation with someone I could not see, my vision blocked by passersby. The woman laughed and nodded and touched the arm of the person in front of her.

The doorman of the hotel approached the two people indicating their ride was available. He escorted the two to a white stretch limo about 30 yards behind our van. I still could not see who the woman was with, the doorman now blocking my view. I was enchanted by her good looks and was hoping no one really noticing me staring her down.

The limo driver approached the two as the doorman tipped his hat and walked away. As he turned, my view of the second person was unobstructed and without a doubt in my mind I watched K enter the limo behind the woman, laughing and touching her arm as the driver shut the door.. .

TBC