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Sanctuary – L Word Behind the Scenes
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It’s in her eyes mostly when she undresses me. I’ve had jackets, sweaters, shirts, shoes all of it fall away but until that look of complete absorption of me reflects back from her eyes – well, there’s a jolt and I still feel it all these years later.
Is it our animal chemistry as old and wise as it is that has been fooled by our biology as likely to carry us all forward another generation so it drives us to mate? Well, just about. Or is it that we love the way we are with each other all alone with time on our hands? Knowing that what we give to each other sometimes is just that, a gift.
I wonder about that for a moment. A gift? Then how did we let it fade away before the baby? Why had we become neglectful of that need we both have? Was it me? Or was it her? Was it work? Or was it just a break, a pause, and then it all just slid into hell after that?
Bette can take on the loads that would break most people. She can lose her first child and then lose me to grief. Who comforted her? And what choice did she have? She was far too deep into Provocations to turn it off, and take a break and do whatever she needed for herself. No. Because she is so strong she went to work everyday and ran a museum that was filled with every kind of viper. She survived, largely without me, like some strange fish with barely any oxygen much less care.
She lost her father soon after. Hard and bent as a tree limb branch as that old man was, he was a huge piece of her life. Her oak. In nearly every way they adored each other, and she did become years younger around him and that wasn’t always a good thing. But she never hated him for his persecutions of me. She didn’t dismiss his cruelty but she only took him to task a few times for it and by then it was too late. Because here he was in our living room slowly dying and Bette was there for every last breath of it.
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Such a heart breaking story. I loved it so much.
Really liked this, particularly the Scene in the Church.
Story also explains Tina’s comment in the Elevator about liking to stay in on New Year’s Eve!
Beautiful but sad. Tina’s memories need to haunt her – she was self-consumed and couldn’t know to grieve with Bette instead in parallel. They so belong together. Hopefully, more reflection and memories will jar them out of their fog of separation.
Thanks BB!
It is good that Tina is realizing that Bette will attract many admirers now that she is single again. I hope she will cherish the memories of happier times and remember why she fell in love with Bette. They need to come together like they did at church to grieve and talk about the son they lost. That was heartbreaking.
Hey BB…such a heart breaking post. My heart broke into a thousand pieces n then those pieces broke into a thousand more. This post is a real tear jerker. Tina is realizing what she has lost n that Bette can/will find a life w/o her; but they still belong together.. both will not feel complete until they find their way back to each other. There’s no other way, hopefully. Thx BB for the tear jerker n page turning post…you have outdone yourself again my fav writer! Keep up the gr8 work!!!…..(finally got it what Tina meant about staying in on New Year’s eve while they were trapped in the elevator.)
I simply loved this chapter! this is the right word! It was really very heartbreaking, but beautiful as well.
The pain and sorrow will passing with time. Love is the driving force behind so much of everything in life but the pain too.
the moment the Church was very nice, it’s what they should have done: to mourn together.
Tina knows what she’s lost, the question is what she will do that get it back? :) I hope both of them are willing to talk to each other and see that love is there.
Thank you for this.
a great heartwarming story between Bette and Tina, their love for each other, and looking back those memories has bring them closer. once you have your full heart of love for one person in your life then it will always be there regardless how it ended. i cant wait for your next story…. great job!!!
Beautiful but sad….And she’s regretting her life now without Bette…
Living in Arizona as my name suggests, I often see hummingbirds. I have a sugar feeder outside my kitchen window. They are beautiful, ethereal creatures but they are very territorial and can be very bold and belligerent considering their size. Their wings can beat 1,000 times in a minute just hovering, not really getting anywhere. The males are particularly beautiful. The mask (gorget) on their chin and throat is black in shadow and iridescent hot pink when the sun hits it in at a particular angle. Anna’s Hummingbird is the species that is common in my area. Their behavior is similar to our girls, jealous and territorial of their mates when other males make a play for the female but usually the male doesn’t pay too much attention to the females or their relationship. The males don’t participate in nest building, nest maintenance or raising of the young. But they are just stunningly beautiful. Sometimes in RL we don’t expect much from good-looking people and we forgive their transgressions more quickly than average-looking folks. This chapter shows their iron bond but also their laziness in nurturing their relationship. It’s complicated. Brava to you.
I wrote this long comment and it never appeared. Boo Hoo!!
(I’ll try to reconstruct it but I don’t know if it’ll be as cohesive.) Here goes:
I live in Arizona as my name suggests. I often see hummingbirds as they live here year round. In fact, I have a sugar water feeder installed on the outside of my kitchen window. Hummers are fascinating, beautiful, ethereal creatures. They beat their wings as much as 1,000 times per minute. Beating their wings like crazy but never going anywhere, just hovering. The male of a species called Anna’s Hummingbird has a mask on his throat and chin feathers (gorget) that in shade looks black but in bright sunlight, at the proper angle, his gorget becomes this iridescent, hot pink. Hummingbirds in general are extremely fierce and territorial. They will dive bomb you if you get near their food supply. The males are beautiful but lazy. They don’t build the nest, maintain the nest or nurture their mates or their relationship.But we often excuse their shoddy behavior b/c they are beautiful. Don’t we forgive good-looking people (like a Bette Porter) b/c of their good looks more easily than an average -looking person? Did you ever notice how friends say that the person they are trying to match you with, has a great personality which is usually code for this person is homely or nothing special.? Do average-looking folks have to develop their personalities b/c they can’t command a room on looks alone? Maybe, Bette didn’t work on her relationship w/Tina b/c Tina always forgave Bette for her slights or transgressions toward Tina. Bette’s the whole package: looks, brains, personality, charisma. She never really had to work on their relationship. It was all so easy until she committed the ultimate, unforgivable transgression. In the beginning and for a good number of years into the relationship, it was smooth sailing until it wasn’t. Is Bette shallow or just thoughtless when it comes to her relationship w/Tina? I love how you write flashbacks and conjure up a past remembrance (just like Proust) that connects the past with the present.
I wrote it again and it wouldn’t post but I saved it.
I’ll try to reconstruct it but I don’t know if it’ll be as cohesive.) Here goes:
I live in Arizona as my name suggests. I often see hummingbirds as they live here year round. In fact, I have a sugar water feeder installed on the outside of my kitchen window. Hummers are fascinating, beautiful, ethereal creatures. They beat their wings as much as 1,000 times per minute. Beating their wings like crazy but never going anywhere, just hovering. The male of a species called Anna’s Hummingbird has a mask on his throat and chin feathers (gorget) that in shade looks black but in bright sunlight, at the proper angle, his gorget becomes this iridescent, hot pink. Hummingbirds in general are extremely fierce and territorial. They will dive bomb you if you get near their food supply. The males are beautiful but lazy. They don’t build the nest, maintain the nest or nurture their mates or their relationship.But we often excuse their shoddy behavior b/c they are beautiful. Don’t we forgive good-looking people (like a Bette Porter) b/c of their good looks more easily than an average -looking person? Did you ever notice how friends say that the person they are trying to match you with, has a great personality which is usually code for this person is homely or nothing special.? Do average-looking folks have to develop their personalities b/c they can’t command a room on looks alone? Maybe, Bette didn’t work on her relationship w/Tina b/c Tina always forgave Bette for her slights or transgressions toward Tina. Bette’s the whole package: looks, brains, personality, charisma. She never really had to work on their relationship. It was all so easy until she committed the ultimate, unforgivable transgression. In the beginning and for a good number of years into the relationship, it was smooth sailing until it wasn’t. Is Bette shallow or just thoughtless when it comes to her relationship w/Tina? I love how you write flashbacks and conjure up a past remembrance (just like Proust) that connects the past with the present.
still wouldn’t post. But I saved it. What can I do? Maybe it was too long? Is there a character limit on comments?