”Who wouldn’t be the one you love and live for? Who wouldn’t stand inside your love and die for?”

**

It’s like I’m seeing her naked for the very first time.
Her body has never been so beautiful, so amazingly perfect. That long, dark and curly hair smells like flowers, smells like the ocean after a sunny day.
That bronzed skin is smooth like the cargo of emotions passing through my soul, tonight.
Those full lips, slightly open, are the only goal I really want to reach.
I see her nude breast raising and lowering rhythmically with her breath.
I bend down between her open legs and start kissing her neck with slow, open, wet kisses, while her fingers slip through my hair addressing me where she wants to feel me.
I caress her everywhere, I close her mouth with mine and my tongue meets hers in a familiar – and yet always new – dance.
I’ve never needed to make love to her more than now.
Carmen moans in my mouth, clasps the nape of my neck. Her right hand goes down my back, scratching it delicately and giving me goose-bumps, making me shiver.
My kisses descend. They touch every inch of her neck, of her ears, of that soft portion of skin right under her chin. I kiss and bite and lick and suck while she’s breathing hard in the silence of the room, of the night.
I cup her breasts with my hands and brush her turgid nipples with my tongue. Carmen arches her whole body against mine and clutches to the sheets with her fingernails.
“I thought… I would have never felt you like that again…” she murmurs, with a painful voice.
“I am here, my love… I am right here…” I answer with my heart wide open.
She clings to me strongly and kisses me, and I feel like she’s invading every molecule of my body.
We toss and turn over the mattress and suddenly she is topping me.
Slowly, I slip under her body, my hands traveling on her naked, sweated skin. When my mouth is finally between her thighs, she rises and clutches to the bedhead, bending her head back with a long, slow sigh.
I start kissing her deeply. She is wet, warm and sweet. She contracts under my lips and I can’t do anything else but closing my eyes, because this emotion is too strong to confront. I have never made love this way. I feel like our whole life depends on what we’re giving each other tonight.
I caress her legs while I keep on taking her this way. I sink in her with my mouth, I sink in her flesh, in her soul right through this small entrance.
“Oh god… Oh god, Shane… yes Shane, fuck me…” she moans and shivers and moves slowly against my mouth, until a long, excruciating orgasm shakes her.
With her eyes still distant and caught in pleasure, she lays on me and kisses me and seems like forever.
We turn again, I’m topping her now. She opens her legs and grants me access, our cores touching. Every part of me is exploding of excitement just through that intimate contact.
We move together for so long, our breathing perfectly synchronized, searching each other’s eyes.
Carmen’s hand slips between our bodies and caresses me until I lose my head and, for a long instant, the world stop spinning.

”And for the first time I’m telling you how much I need and plead for your every move and waking sound… You’re mine forever”

**

Tomorrow is going to be a very long day. I know I will have a lot of things to explain to so many people. I know I’ll have to look Mercedes Morales straight in the eye and make her understand that I am really in love with her daughter. That this debacle has been the last of a life full of bullshits. That I’ll try my best to make her and Carmen proud of me.
I will tell her: see what a fool I’ve been. And then, before she takes her daughter to the altar, I will give her my most sincere and disarming smile, hoping that she’ll still have a little place for me in her heart.
That she’ll give me a second chance, just like Carmen did.

***

Memorandum: italicized lyrics taken from "Stand Inside Your Love" (The Smashing Pumpkins)