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The Dying of the Light Part 22
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I am Bette Porter.
I am Bette Lillian Porter; daughter of Melvin and Maxine Porter, Sister of Kit Porter.
I am Bette Porter.
I am Bette Porter.
I am Bette Porter, resident of West Hollywood.
I am Bette Porter.
I am Bette Porter. Former partner of Tina Kennard, potential mother of Angelica Kennard.
I am Bette Porter.
I am Bette Porter and I live.
And I have no idea why.
Days have meaning, they’re a measurement – a way for humans to justify life, to time it and explain it. A faux control device to give meaning to existence.
Time makes Bette Porter cry.
She had been in this room for only 3 days, but it felt like a lifetime. It was a lifetime to some, but she tried not to think of the people she had seen, the ones who wanted to live longer. Her proud father who wasted from an illness that could not be cured.
Is that what she really had, a wasting illness that tore at her mind, made her see things, hear things? That made her believe things about herself that weren’t true?
Did she have an illness that made her want to die?
In recent days, since the pain medication was getting less and she was starting to feel more alert, more human then she had in months. For awhile there was a hope that she was coming around, she saw it in her friends faces when she smiled at them. When she had tried to laugh.
She didn’t have the heart to tell them it was a lie.
Everything about her was a lie, and they bought it. The very thought made her feel alone.
Alone.
There was a time when Bette first moved to West Hollywood that it didn’t bother her. She didn’t need people around her the validate and love. All she needed was her job and she was happy.
When did that change, why did she ever think that she needed people around her. She only ever let then down. Bette Porter was capable of a lot of things, but socialising with people; connecting with them for longer then a quick hook-up isn’t one of them.
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This story is really painful to read but I just can’t stop, it’s very addictive! I hope it’ll serve as a reminder that some of us do get through this. Please??
Depression is such a debilitating disease. Reading about Bette in this condition is terribly sad. Somehow she has to find the inner strength to recover.
Hello My Most Amazingly Beautiful Dee… with each and every passing word you share with me you can completely consume me with the darkness of a persons fears and the fear that one might not be enough for ‘love’ and the journey that not only affects one person but their entire family… and the world around them… I completely love how you delve into the mythology of these characters you give them depth and a past that completes the whole circle of who and where they come from… you are completely amazing my friend… I am so happy to finally be back in the game. Love and Hugs, Always and Forever, JC (Latin Nephew to those Salsa Angels, proud cuzzie to the ever inspiring Eunichick, Proud Cuzzie to our next ‘reader turned writer’ Cuzzie Patty, Proud Cuzzie to my Muse TCuz… and ever patient fanner of the ever amazing Deean)
This is a heartbrakeing story Deean, the friends make it all so bittersweet. Thank you Md aka Oma
that was heartbreaking… do they really think keeping angie from her will help her?hey update when you can :)PPS
Wow… This story is so powerful.. your writing is flawless and Bette’s journey is so familiar to me. Thank you for sharing this story! PPS
i meant cant wait :)
wow. I just caught up with your story and it is brilliant. Your such an amazing writer its surprising. The story is sad and moving and i hope Bette gets better. I seriously can wait for the next update.
Hi, dear sweet Deean! We always take our time to analyse the scenes you bring to us on your updates. This story has been painful to read from the very beginning and we made it clear to you. However, we also believe that sharing our thoughts would provide another insightful point. Therefore, after reading carefully, we are going to offer our honest appraisal. We still see Bette lost in deep darkness and she is not letting anyone in. We would define it as an obscure knowhere land, where she is uncapable of positive thoughts or a different appreciation of life. She is in the state of denial. That is, she denies herself the chance to identify herself as worthy or as a reliable person. There is no courage, no ambition, no desire to live. She chastisses herself for not fulfilling her suicide attempt. There is an absence of love; most importantly, the love she should feel for herself. We are of the opinion that if you love yourself, then you can transmit that love to others. Otherwise, the only thing you transmit is bitterness and the rage for being alive. Depression is sky high on Bette and if she is into medication, it is not working properly. Shutting herself from the outside world will only make it difficult to get the help she SO desperately needs. We think she requires a personal therapist. Someone with the sensitivity to reach out and get her out of knowhere land. Otherwise, we see a destructive pattern that will succeed in finalizing what she couldn’t accomplish when she sliced her wrists. There should be something that even Bette Lillian Porter could recognize as an instrument to return to the world of the living. PPS Hugs & kisses on both your cheeks.- Lucero & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick and Tias Adoradas to Patpez) P.S. Hang in there, with those 3 Master degrees. Also, take your time to see and smell the flowers.