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The Dying of the Light Part 22
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She should have remembered that when she met Tina, when she asked Tina out; when she fell in love with Tina and asked her move in.
It’s the most important thing she should have remembered before they decided to have a child.
Blinking, Bette tilted her head to the ceiling, "Fuck" she whispered. Throwing herself back on the bed, she pulled her legs up. It was so quiet in the room, Bette suspected everyone was outside or in group.
She was meant to be in group. For the second time in as many days she had skipped it, not wanting to be around people. Bette had no desire to sit with others and talk about her illness so she could get better.
There was no getting better.
It was 1 week and 3 days since she was admitted into hospital for trying to end her life. It scared her how down she was, hoe close she was to erasing her existence from the world.
It scared her more that she couldn’t.
There wasn’t a thing in the world she wasn’t a failure at, and the realisation made her cry.
Made her want to scream to the stars.
If only she had the energy or desire to move.
"Have you been to see her?" Alice asked, pinching another fry from Shane’s plate.
Kit rested her elbows on the table before her and sighed, "she still wont see me." For 5 days she had been trying to get into the hospital to see her sister, but she was told that it wasn’t the right time, or that Bette didn’t want to see her.
Kit knew that Bette was likely still mad at her, but it hurt. It wasn’t that she wanted to send Bette to another hospital because she knew how much she hated them, she just wanted Bette to be well. To be Bette again.
Shane smacked Alice’s hand away, "buy your own Al."
"Hey," Alice cried, nursing her hand, "what’d you do that for?"
Kit watched the girls fondly, remembering the years that they had sat at the exact same table, with the same banter and laughter. In the past months the laughter had slowly died, people had died.
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This story is really painful to read but I just can’t stop, it’s very addictive! I hope it’ll serve as a reminder that some of us do get through this. Please??
Depression is such a debilitating disease. Reading about Bette in this condition is terribly sad. Somehow she has to find the inner strength to recover.
Hello My Most Amazingly Beautiful Dee… with each and every passing word you share with me you can completely consume me with the darkness of a persons fears and the fear that one might not be enough for ‘love’ and the journey that not only affects one person but their entire family… and the world around them… I completely love how you delve into the mythology of these characters you give them depth and a past that completes the whole circle of who and where they come from… you are completely amazing my friend… I am so happy to finally be back in the game. Love and Hugs, Always and Forever, JC (Latin Nephew to those Salsa Angels, proud cuzzie to the ever inspiring Eunichick, Proud Cuzzie to our next ‘reader turned writer’ Cuzzie Patty, Proud Cuzzie to my Muse TCuz… and ever patient fanner of the ever amazing Deean)
This is a heartbrakeing story Deean, the friends make it all so bittersweet. Thank you Md aka Oma
that was heartbreaking… do they really think keeping angie from her will help her?hey update when you can :)PPS
Wow… This story is so powerful.. your writing is flawless and Bette’s journey is so familiar to me. Thank you for sharing this story! PPS
i meant cant wait :)
wow. I just caught up with your story and it is brilliant. Your such an amazing writer its surprising. The story is sad and moving and i hope Bette gets better. I seriously can wait for the next update.
Hi, dear sweet Deean! We always take our time to analyse the scenes you bring to us on your updates. This story has been painful to read from the very beginning and we made it clear to you. However, we also believe that sharing our thoughts would provide another insightful point. Therefore, after reading carefully, we are going to offer our honest appraisal. We still see Bette lost in deep darkness and she is not letting anyone in. We would define it as an obscure knowhere land, where she is uncapable of positive thoughts or a different appreciation of life. She is in the state of denial. That is, she denies herself the chance to identify herself as worthy or as a reliable person. There is no courage, no ambition, no desire to live. She chastisses herself for not fulfilling her suicide attempt. There is an absence of love; most importantly, the love she should feel for herself. We are of the opinion that if you love yourself, then you can transmit that love to others. Otherwise, the only thing you transmit is bitterness and the rage for being alive. Depression is sky high on Bette and if she is into medication, it is not working properly. Shutting herself from the outside world will only make it difficult to get the help she SO desperately needs. We think she requires a personal therapist. Someone with the sensitivity to reach out and get her out of knowhere land. Otherwise, we see a destructive pattern that will succeed in finalizing what she couldn’t accomplish when she sliced her wrists. There should be something that even Bette Lillian Porter could recognize as an instrument to return to the world of the living. PPS Hugs & kisses on both your cheeks.- Lucero & Marsha (Proud Salsa Aunties to the ever loving JC and Eunichick and Tias Adoradas to Patpez) P.S. Hang in there, with those 3 Master degrees. Also, take your time to see and smell the flowers.