I ask myself, which mistake she could have done? And again and again I think of you thereby. If she had cheated her girlfriend too, if she, exactly like you, had left her, just like that, without a word, without a resignation letter, without reasons. It could have been such a mistake of which she spoke. Then I would be that one, receiving this letter. How would I react on it? Well, admitted, you wouldn’t write such a letter. You would still want to protect me, would not want to reopen old sores and perhaps you would think, that you wouldn’t have the right now, to break in into my life in such a way. And even if, you would ignore that, you would think, that your letter would be ridiculous, that you would sound ridiculous and exactly like she you would assume, that I would not understand you. In this point, Bette, you’ve always been underestimating me.

But the question is quite permitted after that much time. Of course I would understand you. And still, am I also ready for that? Do I want to understand you at all? The answer is very simple: Yes! I admit I’m afraid of it. Afraid, because I don’t know how I would emotionally react, and I think nevertheless, that I would be mature enough. Still half a year ago I wouldn’t have been. Oh, Tina, who tries to deceive herself? Well, yes, still before tonight I wouldn’t have been ready for it. I kept the lie to myself so vehement, that I believed I could lead a new life without you and wanted to keep this illusion up for so long, so much that I didn’t see how much you were still a part of my life. Yes, I would listen to you, listen in order to understand, to understand, what’s going on inside of you, in order to know how you are, what you do now, where and how you are living. Yes, LonelyHeart, I would want to know it and this realization is your merit and I am very grateful for that.

And if I could, Bette, I would write the letter, to make the beginning and to remove the burden of you. But I can’t do that. If I only knew where you are, Bette? I became so tired, not only tonight, but tired of searching for you. All the ways, which I could have gone, I went. And the more unsuccessful the ways got, the more I became tired, until I had finally given up. So from then on I only went through live like drunk. I saw, what I wanted to see, I felt, for what I was ready to feel, I lived what was worth it, what I could do. It’s time for me, to become sober, to not fall into a new life with another woman. That goes wrong. Yesterday evening has finally proven that. No, I need my own life with my friends, our friends, in our house with you as a part of me.