By: Dreiser


Super Queen was the size that Alice had decided her bed to be because on the mattress size charts it only went up to Super King and her bed just happened to be larger than a Super King so what else could it possibly be? A Super Queen, that’s what.

The mattress was a recent purchase resulting from Tina’s stay in her guest room which used to have a bed in it that wasn’t at all suited for a pregnant woman, in Alice’s opinion. So she did what any good friend who had been secretly wanting to upgrade her own mattress would. She gave Tina her bed and went out and bought a brand new one for herself.

A spacious ultra comfortable incredibly fluffy Super Queen bed that seemed custom made for the mind blowing ***** she and Dana enjoyed having. Currently they were lying in the bed, snuggled underneath light peach sheets, Dana spooning Alice from behind as she left a trail of kisses onto the pale neck on display in front of her.

Dana could feel Alice’s smile when the blonde paused in her absent chewing of the tennis player’s nails as the kisses began. She didn’t quite understand why Alice felt the need to chew on her nails but at the same time, she hardly minded it so what was the harm in allowing it? Besides that, Dana found the habit secretly cute.

There was a shift in weight as Alice turned in Dana’s arms and they were lying face to face on their sides. She smiled and cupped the athlete’s face in her hands then drew forward for a kiss. A slow teasing kiss that hinted with a bit of tongue only to pull away, Alice grinning into Dana, sucking and pulling on her bottom lip then moving upwards again at the low groan the brunette released. They kissed languidly and lazy, lost in the sensation of soft lips tugging at one another, sighing at feeling it caused.

And that was when the alarm sounded. Not a fire alarm or anything to cause panic, but the alarm on the nightstand on the right side of the bed. The one covered by the hard bound edition of Roald Dahl’s Revolting Rhymes that Alice had recently bought with great excitement from a local used book store.

A book that Alice had read to Dana, who enjoyed the experience if only because it held fond memories for the blonde. During the purchase, Alice quietly informed her the book was her favorite out of all the ones that her father read to her as a child. Somehow over the years her original copy got lost and she didn’t want to replace it but this one… it looked same as her father’s. Then she smiled brightly and remarked that now she could read the book to Bette and Tina’s baby, thus driving Bette insane in the process. It was a prediction Dana had to agree with after Alice read her the book. Somehow she didn’t see Bette finding the humor in lines like: gambling isn’t a sin, providing that you always win.

Pulling back to carefully move the book, closing it and setting it away from the alarm, Alice stopped the annoying beeps and groaned on seeing the time. “*****,” she muttered and ignoring the gentle caress of Dana’s fingertips tracing a path down her spine, Alice climbed out of bed. “I’m sorry, Dane, but I need to get going. I forgot that I promised Nelson and Jolene I’d have a late dinner with them tonight to talk about some things.”

The pout that Dana formed to accompany a teasing complaint disappeared in place of a frown as she realized something. Namely the fact that she didn’t know Alice was even having dinner with her brother and sister. Though she wished it didn’t, that bothered Dana a little. Shouldn’t she know things like that? Which is why she decided to voice this out loud.

“I didn’t know you were having dinner with them,” Dana murmured, watching Alice with an attentive gaze as to not miss one facial expression the blonde formed. She found often with Alice it wasn’t what she said but how she said it and the expression she wore while doing so.

“There’s no reason you had to,” replied Alice, shrugging. She turned to Dana and smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you though. I probably just forgot. It isn’t like it’s a big deal at all,” she continued, going through her clothing again and pulling on a pair of black Prada pants. “Nelson and Jolene probably want to ***** about my mother again. God,” Alice heaved an irritated sigh and yanked off the hanger a long sleeved collared blue shirt from the same designer. Buttoning it up, she muttered, “I know this is going to suck. All they do is *****, you know? And I’m sorry, but bitching gets really old really fast.”

Crawling forward on the bed, causing the sheet to slip off her tanned body as she did so, Dana offered eagerly, “I can come with you if you want.” When Alice looked to her, a bright smile was lighting her features. “I could help make it less sucky.”

Stopping her dressing activities, leaving her shirt only halfway buttoned up her chest, Alice smiled affectionately at Dana then crossed to the bed, standing at the end of it. She reached out to hold Dana’s face gently and leaned down to meet their lips for a kiss that was sweet, loving, and simple. When she moved back, Alice tenderly swept some loose brown locks from Dana’s eyes while she spoke.

“I know you’d make it less sucky,” said Alice, chuckling softly and her brown eyes crinkled around the edges from happiness. “But that’s no reason to make you suffer through my family. Besides, didn’t you say you wanted to go into the club for a late workout?”

“I can do that anytime,” said Dana, frowning slightly. Her eyes narrowed a bit for thoughtful inspection and she murmured, “Is there something wrong, Al? With your mother, I mean. Is that why you don’t want me to go? Because if there is something wrong, I’d want to help,” Dana quickly went on, rising up to kneel on the bed, moving closer and caressing the line of the blonde’s neck. “I’d want to help you.”

“I know you would,” Alice replied and she dropped another kiss on Dana’s lips then moved away to resume dressing. Looking through her pile of shoes before deciding on a pair of black high heels and slipping them on while Dana watched, the frown deepening on the athlete’s face. “There’s nothing to help with though. It’s nothing but the typically unnecessary drama that’s an unfortunate part of having anything to do with my family. And since technically you don’t have to deal with them, I rather not make you.” Looking up as she slipped her left shoe on, Alice smiled awkwardly. “You understand what I’m saying, don’t you Dane? It’s not that I don’t want you there it’s just… I don’t want to make you come along for my sake. I’ll be okay on my own.”

Dana didn’t reply and remained silent, even when Alice returned to deposit a loving kiss on her lips, stroking her cheek as she said I love you. She didn’t say a single word. Instead she sat on the bed and watched the journalist leave the apartment, lost in how impossibly sad it made her feel when she heard Alice say that to her.

Say that she would be okay on her own.

—

To no surprise, Alice found herself as the first person at the restaurant despite the fact that she arrived five minutes later than their scheduled meeting time. Sitting down after telling the hostess there were two other people from her party coming, she studied the menu and tried not to think on what this was all about. It was true what she told Dana, there wasn’t much to think about when it came to her family and meetings. It always had to do with Lenore because Lenore made herself the nexus of their twisted universe by simply being who she was.

It was always about Lenore in their family. Always. She had known that ever since she was a child, in how her father would look at her mother with adoring eyes that couldn’t fathom seeing even the slightest of faults in her.

Jeff Pieszecki loved Lenore until the day he died. Her mother might not want to think on that because she found it too painful thanks to the awful manner she had treated him but that was the truth of the matter. A truth that Alice would never forget.

Her mother had left him time and time again for other men that were higher up on that industry food chain. After all, who was her father? Nothing but a hard working Lighting Technician that was also a stout Union man. And it was Lenore and this behavior that helped Alice spot Tonya for what she was in an instant because it was what she grew up with. The calculating gaze of a woman who looked at others, only seeing what they could do for her and nothing else.

God, it burned her even now to think of it.

Why wasn’t her father good enough? Because he didn’t have a nine digit salary? Because he preferred worn jeans to fancy suits? Because he rolled his own cigarettes from cheap tobacco and didn’t buy imported cigars? Why the ***** did all of that matter? Her father had been a good man and he had loved her mother, loved her more than Alice had ever seen a person love. And all that love got him was two divorces, a custody battle, and then a heart attack.

The custody battle…

Before the second divorce happened, Alice had grown up thinking her parents had a fairy tale marriage. They told her the story often enough she thought it had to be a fairy tale. The story of how they had been married before but fate had been off its axis and they parted but then they met again and for one special night the magic returned. It returned to give them Alice, their precious baby girl, thirteen and eleven years the junior of her brother and sister.

She grew up dealing with the envious gazes of her older siblings because of the way her parents attributed Lenore becoming pregnant with Alice with their reconciliation and second marriage. So much so that they doted on Alice, treating her like a princess. Well, at least her father did. Even back then Lenore had been too busy for Alice because she was experiencing a second wave of popularity due to landing the starring role in Empire Falls. A role she happened to get when they had been remarried barely a year, placing Alice at a little over two years old.

When this was going on, Alice was far too young to know what precisely was happening but looking back it was fairly obvious. Lenore’s career had been waning, floating dead in the water when she had that passionate night with Jeff, and when she was with him she felt so much better about herself. Because Jeff treated her like a star, a beautiful woman, despite the fact that no one was returning her calls, including her own agent. Then she became pregnant and again, Jeff catered to her, he loved her, he took care of her, and Lenore thought this was all she needed really. A man to love her like Jeff did and so they got remarried.

Then she got the phone call from the network. Asking her to please attend a meeting with the head of night programming because he had a brilliant idea for a brand new glamorous drama and he wanted to feature Lenore at the center of it. He wanted her to be his star.

If there was ever anything that Lenore couldn’t refuse it was that.

Memories were a funny thing to Alice. They shifted and slipped from her mind like dreams in the night. Some were as clear as crystal, playing in her head like a movie in a cinema, and others were ghostly images that she couldn’t quite get ahold of. The breakup of her parents with their second divorce was the latter. She had vague recollections of it… things like the head of night programming coming to their house and his name being funny to her, because Yakobovitch is a funny name to a six year old, and her father growling at him deep and scary to not look at his wife like she was some sort of five course meal.

The head of night programming laughed and told Lenore he would talk to her later. And when he was gone, her father had looked at her mother to ask sad and weary if she was having an affair with him. Lenore didn’t reply. Instead she laughed like the head of night programming did and told Alice’s father that he was silly for thinking such things and why did men have to be such jealous creatures? Then she left her father alone and Alice could still see him, his strong shoulders shaking quietly, his large frame trembling as he clenched his hands into fists.

That was the only time she had seen her father cry.

He didn’t cry when the second divorce began. He didn’t cry when teenaged Nelson and Jolene said they would rather die than come live with him. He didn’t even cry when the day the divorce became final Lenore announced in the press she was engaged to the head of night programming. He didn’t ever cry again, not that Alice could see at least. He was sad and he was stoic and he was good. Her father had been such a good man.

Honestly, it was because of him that Alice only really wanted one thing in a romantic partner, whether they be male or female. She wanted someone who was like her father, someone good who wanted nothing more than to love and care for the ones they loved. A person who was solid and unpretentious. And if that didn’t describe her Dana, she wasn’t sure what did.

She couldn’t help wondering if her father would’ve liked Dana. Perhaps it was wishful thinking but Alice thought he would, she could recall even now how he loved sports of pretty much any kind and Dana being a professional athlete would’ve garnered at least some kind of admiration from him. More likely he would’ve appreciated Dana’s clumsy earnestness. That she was a real person who didn’t have any sort of hidden agenda.

Yes, her father would’ve liked Dana very much.

“Hey Baby P,” Nelson’s exuberant voice declared and Alice sighed inwardly at the horrible nickname that he would never stop using for her. Looking up at her older brother, she wasn’t surprised to see him in a wrinkled Armani suit. He had gotten caught up at work again, no doubt busily trading away other peoples money as if it was his own. Ugh. Stockbrokers were evil.

“Hey Old Fogy P,” replied Alice in droll tones, lifting an eyebrow at her brother as he sank into the chair next to her. “You’re late.”

“I know,” said Nelson irritably, studying the menu with a frown. “You wouldn’t believe all of the shifts in the market today. I think soy went up six points. Which seems preposterous to me. Soy isn’t something that should ever deviate. It’s soy.”

“Right,” Alice chuckled.

Brown eyes that matched her own peered at her from over the top of the menu and studied her closely. “There’s something different about you,” stated Nelson, setting the menu down as he had discovered something more interesting than food. A knowing smile formed and he laughed smugly, leaning back to point at her. “You’ve got a new boy/girlfriend don’t you?” He paused and snickered then said, “Borlfriend, right?”

Rolling her eyes in disgust, Alice muttered, “I wish you and Jolene would stop using that ***** word. It’s not even a word, Nelson. It’s something you two idiots made up.”

“You make up words all the time,” pointed out Nelson, who had returned to looking at the menu now that he had figured out why Alice looked different. “Why can’t Jo and I?”

“Maybe because my words don’t sound like freakish accidents like borlfriend does,” said Alice, who felt a headache forming. She knew it was going to be like this. It was always like this. That’s why she didn’t want Dana to come along. “Look, can you stop staring at the damn menu and tell me what this is about? I have things to do tonight and I just want to know what’s going on.”

Not bothering to look up from the menu despite Alice’s words requesting otherwise, Nelson remarked, “Anxious to get back to the borlfriend, huh?”

“Stop using that word!” Alice snapped.

“I thought you said it wasn’t a word,” commented Nelson, still staring at the menu. “You’re contradicting yourself, Baby P. But then again, that isn’t anything new, is it?

“What’s up Baby P’s ***** this time?” Jolene announced her presence in same way as Nelson and Alice again sighed inwardly on seeing her sister dressed in work clothes as well.

Didn’t her siblings have any concept of fun? Sometimes she wondered if her brother and sister ever did see their respective spouses and children. Part of her thought they served as nothing more than ready made stories used to get Alice to do things they could claim to be too busy with family to do. Jolene’s power suit looked nearly as wrinkled as Nelson’s and she wondered what it was about working with money that made people look so ***** wrinkly. Oh well. She supposed Jolene had the lesser of the evils because rather than trade other people’s money she took it and stuck it in what they perceived to be a safe place when in reality it was being traded around by people like Nelson.

Jesus. Both of their jobs were evil.

“She’s bitching about the use of the word borlfriend,” said Nelson carelessly, continuing his study of the menu. “First she said it wasn’t a word then she told me to stop using the word.”

“Very contradictive,” mused Jolene, picking up her own menu. Peering at Alice much like Nelson did, she grinned and said, “Which is it this month, Baby P? A boy or a girl?”

“If you must know, Old Crone P,” said Alice derisively, staring her older sister down. “It’s a girl and we’ve been dating for over two months.”

“Ohh, two months,” Jolene drawled out, acting exaggeratedly impressed. Making Nelson snort loudly and she chuckled at his reaction. “That’s practically a lifetime for you though.”

“***** you, Jo,” muttered Alice, staring off to one side. “Look, would one of you just tell me what this is about? What the ***** has Mom done this time?”

Simultaneously, Nelson and Jolene lowered their menus and for a brief shining moment Alice thought they were going to stop the usual song and dance routine they put her through. Then she saw the waitress had returned to take their orders. When they were alone again, after several minutes of Nelson and Jolene needling her about only ordering a salad, she looked at them expectantly and prayed she would finally get her answer.

Instead she got Nelson smirking as he asked, “So who’s the girl?”

Warily looking at her siblings who wore expectant expressions on their faces, Alice thought about Dana and immediately smiled. Then she said with a good deal of pride, “Dana. I’m dating Dana and it’s… it’s really good, you guys. The best relationship I’ve ever had, I think.”

“Dana Fairbanks?” asked Nelson, his eyes going wide.

“You’re dating that pro tennis player?” asked Jolene, her eyes just as wide as she leaned forward and into the table. “When did this happen?”

“Two months ago,” responded Alice in supremely droll tones. “You guys actually seem interested in my life for once. Why is that?”

Nelson and Jolene slowly turned to look to each other and then back to Alice as they said together, “You’re dating someone famous.”

“Figures,” Alice groaned, rubbing her forehead with her index finger and thumb. Peering at them through lidded eyes, she said, “Would you please finally tell me what this about? What the ***** has Mom gotten herself into now?”

“Debt, what else?” Nelson said, shrugging his shoulders like it was the most natural thing in the world. Then again, when it came to their mother it was. Lenore seemed to have this particular issue pop up every other month or so. “She’s up to her neck in it again and the collectors have a-come harassing.”

“They’ve returned with threats to foreclose on her condo,” said Jolene with a sigh. She leaned down and snapped open her briefcase to pull out some paperwork. Setting it down on the table, she continued, “They need the payment by next Saturday at the latest or mother will be out on the streets.” She paused to form an expression of utter disdain. “Or living with one of us.”

Groaning again, Alice asked, “How much?”

“Let me see,” murmured Jolene as she adjusted her wire rim glasses and squinted at the papers. “This time it would total up to the lovely sum of 7,912.53.” Looking over at Nelson, she lifted an eyebrow and remarked staidly, “Don’t you wonder what the 53 cents is for? What could it possibly be? A single stick of gum?”

“How did she spend that much?” Alice asked in a frustrated hiss, not wanting to cause a scene in a public place but somewhat horrified at the amount of debt her mother had created.

“She probably went shoe shopping,” said Nelson humorously.

“Manolo Blahniks,” Jolene nodded wisely. “It’s them every time.”

The pounding in her head had increased to the point that Alice felt it might actually explode if she stayed with her family any longer. All she wanted to do was to go back to her apartment, calm down, and wait for Dana to return from her workout. Hopefully still sweaty and hot, then try to forget all her troubles in the warmth of the athlete’s embrace. But in order to do that she first had to discern just how they were going to split up the bill payment this time.

“How much am I in for?” asked Alice in weary acceptance.

Nelson and Jolene met their eyes then Nelson said, “We’ve split things so it’s 30% each for Jo and I and then 40% for you, Baby P. Our payment is less because we have family obligations to fulfill. I promised Maggie we would take the kids on this trip to Puerto Rico…”

“And Harold is insisting that Michael has to go to this state of the art soccer camp to keep his game solid. Whatever that should mean,” Jolene continued on. “You don’t have things like that to worry about. It’s just you. Well,” she paused to smile knowingly. “You and that rich tennis player. Maybe she could help you out with the payment this time?”

Disgusted beyond words at the idea of taking Dana’s money in the manner her sister had just suggested, Alice shook her head and rising to her feet, she said, “Fine. Whatever. Just give me the actual paperwork that says the amount I’m responsible for. I’ve got things to do.”

“You’re not going to stay for food?” asked Nelson, frowning. A smirk tugged at his lips and he remarked, “But you ordered such a filling meal. Yum, garden salad!”

“I’ve got things to do,” echoed Alice mechanically. She took the paperwork when Jolene held it out for her. “I’ll talk to you guys later. If you happen to speak to Mom before me, tell her to stop buying shoes or whatever the ***** is responsible for the newest debt.”

“I’m going to eat your salad, Baby P!” Jolene’s voice carried after her, making her declaration the last thing Alice heard on exiting the restaurant.

Walking to her mini, Alice surrendered to temptation and looked at the paperwork to see what paying off 40% of Lenore’s latest bill would come out to. Sighing heavily, Alice felt her headache reach mammoth proportions on seeing the amount.

“3,437.51,” Alice muttered. “*****.” Shaking her head as she unlocked her car and sat inside, she sighed again. “I guess I’ll be getting another credit card.” Pulling out of the parking lot, she laughed and said grimly, “Maybe I’ll go with Discover this time. It’s been six months since I’ve used them to pay off Mom’s bills and you know, it’s always nice to discover.”

—

Shutting the door to her Outback and heaving a sigh, Dana slung her gym bag over her shoulder. It wasn’t any good. She had gone to the club but after forty minutes she still had her mind stuck on the expression Alice wore before she left. The resigned look of someone who knew they were about to go through an awful experience and couldn’t do anything to stop it.

It was a face that Dana knew all too well. She had worn it often enough during the dates her mother had set her up on. Or when someone would ask about her personal life and she would have to lie over and over again. Nothing was worse than knowing you would soon feel horrible about yourself and surrendering yourself to it, as if it was your fate. Something you could never fight against. Dana knew that absolutely.

Which was why she gave up on her workout and decided to go back to Alice’s apartment and wait for her return. In hopes of being able to comfort Alice and maybe find out just what was going on with her family. Jogging up the stairs, Dana spun her keys absently around her index finger and couldn’t stop herself from grinning at the gleam reflecting on the newest keys on the ring, the ones belonging to Alice’s apartment.

Grinning still and whistling an absent tune, Dana pushed the door to the stairwell open as she had reached Alice’s floor and almost ran directly into the journalist’s neighbor. Luckily, Patty heard the familiar sound that was Dana’s thumping footsteps and taken necessary precaution, flattening against the wall to stop a collision from occurring again. She had already gone through that twice and she had no desire to make three times a charm.

Like the times before, Dana wore a huge grin when the door flew open and like the times before, that grin was what kept Patty from feeling any sort of irritation at the athlete. There was something unbearably cute in the way the brunette seemed overjoyed to simply be going to her girlfriend’s apartment. She hated to admit it but the cuteness of Dana almost made her want to attempt dating again. Almost.

“Hey Dana,” said Patty in her perpetually mellow voice, a grin quirking on her lips when the tennis player whirled around to look at her with surprise. “How goes it?”

“Hey Patty,” replied Dana automatically. Her brow furrowed and she said with a tinge of embarrassment, “I nearly hit you with the door, didn’t I?” Turning red now, she groaned and continued, “I’m sorry. I need to go slower when I go up the stairs but I’m used to running fast, right? Because training and running, it’s meant not to be slow. That’s the point of it.”

“It’s cool,” Patty laughed, walking to her apartment to unlock the door, smiling as she watched Dana mimic this action with Alice’s. “When did she give you keys?”

“Two days ago,” confessed Dana shyly, glowing as she looked at Patty. “She did that box trick. The one where you wrap up one box then put a smaller one inside it and so and so on.” Rolling her eyes, Dana remarked, “I had to open twenty boxes and it took me almost half an hour before I finally got to the keys. Al thought it was hilarious, of course.”

“That’s sweet,” murmured Patty, who was rather shocked to discover she honestly did feel that way. She thought it was sweet and damningly cute at that. Shaking her head, she decided she needed to hide herself in her apartment before the cute ***** couple made her want to return to the ***** that for her was the world of dating. “I’ll see you later, Dana.”

“Yeah,” Dana grinned, opening Alice’s door and heading inside. “Later, Patty.”

Having her own pair of keys to the apartment was just one thing among countless other actions that made Dana want to help Alice with whatever was bothering her. It seemed to her that the blonde was responsible for so many things that served the sole purpose of making Dana feel good about herself. Why shouldn’t she try to return that favor herself?

Alice always tried to help Dana, to comfort and soothe, and Dana desperately wanted to do the same for Alice. To give her the same sense of self assurance and feel her worries eased because she knew that Dana was there for her. That Dana would help her, that Dana loved her.

Even at her worst, she had been trying to help Dana. Such as when Dana had come out to her parents and she’d replied to her mother’s attack with the lame line of, “I have a boyfriend.”

Lame and a horrible line as it was, yes, her intentions had been good. Her intentions had been to help Dana. And despite saying probably the worst thing she could’ve chosen at that moment, Alice had been there afterwards. To hold her and pick up the pieces, to dry her crying tears and make her laugh with prank phone calls.

Having loved Alice for as long as Dana had, she knew quite a few things about her that other people didn’t. The most glaring being the fact that the journalist kept her problems, the really big ones, to herself. The tiny useless piddling ones were what she would teasingly complain about to her friends. Things like not being able to find the perfect nail polish to match her new shoes or wanting ideas for whatever horrifically stupid story Marc had assigned her.

The big problems… like the one Dana was sure she was dealing with today were never broached. Alice did with her problems what Dana did with her emotions. She closed them off and ignored that they were there. As if by doing so they might magically go away and make her life easier. Except they never did go away and the frustration over them would build, making them a type of internal powder keg, ready to blow at any moment.

But thanks to Alice and their relationship, Dana had changed. She was slowly but surely letting Alice in to see everything that she felt because she knew it was safe to do so. It was safe to let Alice see that side herself she had always kept hidden because Alice would never use it to hurt her. Alice only wanted to help her and Dana hoped that maybe now she could do the same for the blonde and her own problems with her family.

All Dana wanted was a chance to love and take care of Alice.

The sound of keys turning in the lock had Dana’s head darting up and she rose from where she was sitting on the couch as the front door opened. Alice shut the door quietly, looking at the ground with an expression of somber contemplation. When she lifted her gaze and saw Dana instead of the bright smile she usually wore on seeing the athlete, she frowned slightly.

“What are you doing here?” Alice began only to shake her head and cut herself off as she muttered, “Never mind. I remember now, I gave you keys.” Releasing a weary sigh, she dropped her purse on a nearby file cabinet and wandered into her bedroom, rubbing her forehead. “I’m not feeling that good, Dane. I think I might take a nap if that’s okay.”

“How did dinner go?” asked Dana, voice laced with concern, following Alice into the bedroom. “Was it about your mother like you thought?”

“It was about Lenore,” replied Alice, laughing bitterly and sounding utterly exhausted as she unbuttoned her shirt. “It’s always about Lenore in my family. All of the problem littered roads in our little world lead right in her direction.”

“What is it this time then?” Dana questioned softly, studying Alice’s expression and body language carefully. Not wanting to make even the smallest of mistakes in helping.

Alice hung up her shirt and slowly turned to face Dana who for a long breathless moment thought that maybe it wouldn’t be as hard as she thought it would. That maybe Alice would look at her and she would know, she would just know, it was safe to trust Dana with this. That it was safe to let Dana know what was wrong in her life so Dana could help her solve it. So Dana could comfort her. But then a fond smile tugged at the blonde’s lips and she walked over to Dana and deposited a kiss on her lips, effectively letting her know it wasn’t going to be that easy.

“You’re sweet,” Alice murmured, pulling back and warmly cupping Dana’s cheek. “But it’s nothing important. It never is with my mother.”

Frowning now, Dana took Alice’s hands in her own, holding them gently and pulling the blonde down until she was sitting next to her on the bed. Once Alice was, she imitated the gesture that had been used effectively so many times on herself and held the journalist’s face tenderly in her hands. Smiling at the soft sigh of enjoyment Alice released, Dana leaned forward so their foreheads rested together.

Looking at Alice with earnest blue eyes, Dana said quiet and kind, “I don’t believe that, Al. I think there’s something really wrong and I want you to tell me what it is so I can help.”

Silence and Dana felt more than saw Alice withdrawing from her. She felt it in the stiffening of Alice’s body as she refused to look at the tennis player as she spoke. “Jeez Dane,” she laughed wryly. “When did you become a psychic friend, huh? How can you be so sure?”

“Because I know you, because I love you,” said Dana simply and she wrapped Alice up in her arms. Smiling when Alice sank into her, their bodies merging together as the blonde snuggled into the crook of Dana’s neck. “I just want to help you, Al. That’s all.”

“I know you do,” Alice whispered to Dana, seeming to hide herself into the embrace. “I know that and I love you so much for that. I really do, Dana. But…” She trailed off and sighed heavily. “There isn’t anything for me to tell you about Lenore, all right? Nothing that you can help with anyway. I’m okay. I can deal with it on my own.”

Wincing at these last words, Dana tried not to take them personally, knowing that they were brought about by Alice’s fears and insecurities. Something that Dana was currently trying to ease. Which is why she swallowed the hurt, pushed it away, and said gently, “But I don’t want you to deal with it on your own, Al. You shouldn’t have to do that anymore because now I’m here with you and I want to help. I just need you to let me.”

Silence again.

Then Alice hastily disentangled herself from Dana’s embrace, walking into the bathroom and saying almost irritably, “I know that.” She looked into the mirror, removing her earrings and meeting Dana’s eyes in the reflection. “I don’t have perfect 20/20 vision but I’m not blind. I can see that you’re there. And I appreciate that you want to help.” Alice sighed and her body sank as she did so. Making her look weighted down from the worries she carried. Alice was rubbing her forehead with her index finger and thumb when she murmured, “But there’s honestly nothing that you can help with. I promise you, Dana.”

“I don’t believe you,” said Dana in a forceful whisper. Locking Alice’s gaze with her own in the mirror, holding her still in the power of her sincerity, in the honest desire she felt in wanting to help Alice because she loved her. “You can keep saying that all you want, Al, but I won’t believe you. I won’t because I know you and I know something’s wrong. All I want is for you to tell me… or I mean… you don’t have to tell me even!” Dana declared, a little desperate, worried that Alice might not trust her. Rubbing the back of her head, she murmured, “Just let me help. Tell me how I can help you. That’s the only thing I want.”

Staring into Dana’s eyes through the mirror, losing herself in the love and the hope and the plea, the silent powerful plea they held that was asking Alice to please trust her. To give Dana the chance to help, to prove herself and her love. Releasing a wavering sigh, her shoulders trembling, Alice dropped the earring in her hand. The sound of it clinking onto the sink was the only noise in the dead still of the room. She wetted her lips and dropping her gaze, it seemed as if she might be ready to speak.

Then Dana did it for her.

“Is this a money problem? Like that time when you had to pay for tab at The Plaza?” asked Dana, speaking of the vague memory she had of Alice casually mentioning having to pay for her mother’s hotel tab once. Cautiously, she moved to touch the curve of Alice’s back. “Because if this is a money issue, I can take care of it for you, Al. You don’t make very much from the magazine and freelancing. Plus I just got that deal from Fila–”

“Jesus, Dana!” Alice exclaimed, looking horrified at the suggestion, whirling around to face the athlete. “No… I don’t… just… god, no,” she muttered, shaking her head, unable to find the words to explain her feelings as she walked out of the bathroom. Turning to look at Dana when she followed after, Alice had one hand on her hip and the other gesturing towards the brunette. “I’m not going to take your money, Dana. I won’t use you that way. This is my mother and my stupid problem, okay? I get that you want to help but it’s all right. I can take care of this.”

“But–” Dana began, taking a step towards Alice.

“No, Dana,” said Alice firmly, holding up her hand in a stopping motion. “I don’t want to talk about it. The idea is ***** creepy, all right? And it reminds me of Tonya and I’m not going to be that person with you ever, okay? I’m not going to be someone who uses your money or your fame or whatever to get my own piddling ***** issues fixed. I won’t use you like that.” Agitatedly running her fingers through her messy blonde hair, Alice said, “I won’t do it so just stop asking. Just drop this already.” Walking over to her closet, she grabbed the doorframe and removed one of her high heels. “I’ll be okay fixing this problem on my own. I’ve been doing it my entire life and there’s no reason I can’t do it now. I really don’t need your help.”

Standing motionless, frozen in time, Dana watched Alice remove her other shoe and swore she could feel her heart break. She had expected it to be like this. That Alice would fight her and make her argue and prove herself, prove her love, but Dana had been sure that Alice would see. Eventually the sheer reality of how much Dana loved her and truly wanted to help her would come through and Alice would let her help. It didn’t matter to Dana if it was something meager, such as nothing more than a few ill described words telling her what was bothering her. All that mattered to Dana was that she finally be allowed to help Alice as Alice had helped her so many times before.

Loving Alice had helped Dana break down and destroy her own walls. The ones surrounding her heart and her fear of truly loving someone, of allowing herself to get close enough, to care enough to be hurt by that person. They were broken down because Dana surrendered herself to Alice, she gave all her love and trust to her and she let the blonde smash the walls.

And now Alice was refusing to let Dana do the same for her.

Didn’t Alice love her enough? Trust her enough? Maybe it wasn’t that. Maybe Dana wasn’t good enough to help. Who was she anyway? An dumb athlete who admittedly didn’t have much expertise when it came to family and feelings. She stumbled at things like that, often making things worse than better with her actions. But despite that, Dana wanted to help. She wanted so very badly to prove to Alice she could help, that she deserved that love and that trust but…

Alice wouldn’t let her.

Knowing that crushed Dana far more than anything ever had before, perhaps more than her parents initial rejection to her sexuality, and she couldn’t take it. Couldn’t take that Alice wouldn’t let her even try to help, that she couldn’t give Dana that small amount of love and trust, and so she did the only thing she knew to do in a situation like this.

She left.

Dana turned and left Alice alone in her apartment. Alone to memorize and play the moment over and over in an awful loop, the expression the tennis player formed on her tanned features. That horrible look of self loathing and doubt Alice had seen Dana wear anytime someone made her feel unworthy. It was a face that Alice hated and made her hate whoever who caused it and this time was no exception. She hated herself for making Dana look that way… she hated herself for not only causing it but not knowing why she had. Why she hadn’t given Dana that meager concession she asked for, that she rightly deserved as the woman Alice loved? Terrible as it was, she honestly didn’t have any idea why she had reacted this way. The only thing she did know was now she was one of those horrible people who had made Dana doubt herself and god… how could she have done that? And how in the ***** could she possibly fix it?

That question had no answer for Alice. None at all. And squeezing her eyes painfully shut, she said grim and quiet, “*****.”

—

Dating was fun for Lara. She always enjoyed the process of meeting new people and getting to know them. The carefully arranged dance of figuring out if they made a better friend or lover was something she found strangely intriguing. That being so, it was hardly any surprise she was excited about her date for tonight.

But this time it was more than the usual excitement, this time Lara was excited because she was ready. After months and months, she was ready to give someone an honest chance for something more. Because to be honest, Lara hadn’t been doing that for most of her dates.

Not since Dana broke up with her.

Ever since that day in the restaurant some small part of Lara held onto this hope that Dana would appear again, with flowers in hand and sincere apology on her lips. Only Dana never appeared and Lara knew after awhile she wouldn’t ever appear. That didn’t stop her from hoping though. Hoping and not really giving any of her poor dates a chance because of it.

Her friends bothered her incessantly about it. Asking why she was so hung up on a closeted tennis player that only bothered to come out after she had broken up with Lara. She would just push the questions off, refusing to answer or giving them some glib reply that couldn’t be believed.

What made her hope for so very long was the fact that when Dana ended it between them Lara had been falling. She wasn’t in love with Dana yet but she had definitely been falling in love and falling hard at that. In fact, she even planned on telling the tennis player that. But then… well.

That was history.

Dana was in love with Alice and Lara could see that as plain as she could see the nose on Dana’s face. Then again, she had always seen it… lurking beneath the surface in how the two women would interact with each other. She found it perversely cute, even while dating Dana and falling for her. The way the athlete treated Alice back then reminded Lara of a middle school boy who relentlessly teases the girl he likes to show his affection.

For a brief shining moment Lara thought maybe she could fill in for Alice. That she could take the role she knew Dana wanted the blonde to have in her life but was for some reason scared to ask of her. But that time had passed and Lara was glad for that because now she could finally move on. She could move on and give her date tonight a real chance for something.

A real chance for happiness perhaps.

Which made Lara giddy and excited, beaming widely and whipping her head upwards on hearing a knock at her front door. They had agreed to meet at the club but maybe her date had changed her mind. She was certainly the type to do that.

Practically skipping to the door, Lara pulled it open and smiled widely as she greeted, “Hey! I’m so glad you…” The words died on her lips as she saw that the person standing in front of her definitely was not her date for tonight. It was Dana. Upset, crying, body quivering from emotion, Dana. “Hey,” Lara repeated the word, this time soft and unbearably gentle. Wrapping Dana up in a hug, she pulled the woman into her apartment. “What’s going on, Dana? What is it?”

“Alice,” sobbed Dana in reply.

Frowning deeply at this, Lara led Dana to her couch and sat her down, holding her still. Letting the tennis player bury her face in her shoulder, her tears soaking through her silk shirt. Rubbing Dana’s back in a circular motion, Lara knew that was just the start of the real answer and it would take quite awhile to get the entire thing. Maybe enough to make her late or even miss her date completely but as she held a crying Dana in her arms that hardly mattered to her. In fact, nothing else seemed to matter at all.

—

Peeling back the label to her half empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7 Brand Tennessee Whiskey, Alice wondered why it was that she fucked up her relationships. Why when they always started to get really good, she would do something stupid and ruin it. But even after finishing one full bottle of Jack Daniel’s and starting on her second, Alice still didn’t have an answer. She just knew that she did it, she always did it.

Alice had more questions than answers at this point. Questions like did she wreck the best relationship she had ever been in only two months into it? And if so, was she going to lose her best friend because of it? And why… why didn’t she ever think about this when she was trying to convince Dana to be with her romantically?

Why didn’t she listen to Dana’s fears?

Because right now, Alice knew without a doubt Dana had the right to be scared. *****, she was smart to be scared! This had never occurred to Alice, this scenario of fighting, of being so close through their romance that they could hurt each other so much more deeply. Deep enough that one day they might not be able to even face one another from the pain caused.

She had only seen the good, the happiness, brought about by being with Dana and didn’t give the pain that might result from it the slightest bit of thought. But Dana had and she knew what that pain would be like and despite that she gave Alice a chance. She let Alice in, she loved her, and she trusted her.

And how did Alice repay her? By not giving her the slightest bit of that back in return. Pushing her away and being… god, she had been so ***** mean to Dana. Mean enough that Alice felt like punching herself for it and she probably would have if she knew the punch would hit her. At this point, she was drunk enough that it would probably hit another person and the last thing she wanted was to get into a fight with one of the old school lesbians at The Palms.

“I’m a *****,” Alice declared, groggily pouring more Jack into her glass and thumping the bottle back down on the bar. Taking a slow drink, she muttered, “A big stinky piece of *****.”

The worst part of this was the fact that Alice wasn’t even sure why she had reacted this way. Well, okay. Maybe she knew a little. It had something to do with pride, she was sure. All of her life she had taken care of herself. Since she was eight years old, in fact. She had dressed herself, fed herself, and solved all of her own problems. Though it pained her that she couldn’t rely on her family’s help part of Alice was strangely proud of it.

Of the fact that the flaky little dork Alice Pieszecki could take care of herself. That she would be all right on her own. That she had the ability to do that, the ability to survive.

She knew that was why she never went to her friends with her real problems. The ones she could actually use some help with. Partially it was her pride and partially it was the reality that when she had done that early in her life, with her family and a few of her romantic partners…

Disappointment was always the result.

They tried to help but they never did, not really, and often their lack of care just made things worse. After so many failures in trust Alice had just decided to stop even trying. To solve problems on her own and it worked, really it did. Her life was simpler and easier for it and yet, it was exhausting to live that way.

To live entirely on her own. Never relying on other people, hiding away your fear and your insecurities and your weakness but it worked for Alice and it had worked for years now. And she was proud that it worked, that she had come up with this way of living that was independent and strong. Who cared if it was incredibly lonely and isolating in the process?

Not her family, that’s for damn sure.

Dana cared and Alice knew it. She knew Dana cared and she knew, she knew absolutely without the slightest bit of doubt that Dana loved her. She knew that but still, when Dana offered her the money… to pay for her problem…

HER problem.

It stung Alice, reminding her of the words of people, mocking and derisive saying that Alice didn’t have it in her. That she wasn’t strong enough, that she wasn’t smart enough, that she was nobody really. No one special. Certainly not anyone that could solve her own problems. That’s what she thought of when Dana said she would pay for Lenore’s bills.

The reaction was needless and Alice knew that too but she couldn’t help that was what she thought of. Just like she couldn’t help but fear if maybe this was it. That the romance was over. As friends they had fought but it was never like this. When she fought with Dana before she didn’t ever remember feeling this way.

Empty and lost and miserable. So ***** utterly miserable. Enough that she had just finished off her second bottle of Jack and gave an absent wave for the bartender to bring her another.

“Three’s a charm, Alice,” drawled Tabitha, setting the bottle down in front of the blonde with a loud plunk. “After you finish this, if you live through it, you’re cut off and I’m gonna call you a cab to get you on home, all right?”

“Right,” Alice agreed with a tiny slur, waving her hands absently at Tabitha and leaning forward to frown with concentration as she broke the seal on the bottle.

Watching the brown liquid pour in the glass, Alice also couldn’t help worrying about something else. What if Dana thought this meant Alice didn’t really love her? That because Alice couldn’t tell her what was going on, share her problem, that she didn’t truly love Dana at all? And what about when she did show Dana…

When she let Dana see all of it, all that fear and insecurity and weakness, what if when she finally let Dana see it, see who she really was, Dana couldn’t take it? What if Dana ended up being disgusted by her? What if Dana left and never came back? Because, really, who could love her after seeing all of that? No one she had encountered in her life so far and she wanted to believe Dana was different and maybe in her heart she did believe that but still…

She was so very scared.

Alice was shaken out of her thoughts by a warm hand clasping her shoulder and a sardonic voice as it drawled, “Look at this morose mother ***** here.”

On hearing this, Alice was unable to help grinning just a bit at the familiar trivia game they played where one person would try to best the other by coming up with random quotes from movies, music, and literature. Turning to meet their eyes, she arched an eyebrow and then gave her answer, “Jay from Chasing Amy.”

“You always were good at this game,” Gabby complimented, dark eyes glowing. Tilting her head in inspection, she studied Alice for a long moment then said, “You look like *****.”

“A big stinky piece of *****, I know,” Alice laughed the comment off, turning back to the bar and taking a drink of Jack. “Thank you for reminding me, Gabby. Now that you’ve done so you and your minions of bitchy are free to leave my presence.”

Tilting her head again, Gabby frowned then turned to her friends and Alice listened with half hearted interest as she got them to leave without her. Well, after several minutes of the minions bitching, as they tended to do, about first Gabby abandoning them to have a sappy ***** date and now she was ditching them for her pathetically drunken ex. On hearing the pathetic and drunken reference to her, Alice took another swig of Jack, proud her misery was so palpable.

Gabby returned, lowering herself onto the barstool next to Alice and stealing a nearby empty glass to pour some of the Jack into it. Watching her for a moment, Alice stared straight ahead, looking at the shiny rows of alcohol in front of them and asked, “What exactly does your ***** wolf pack consider to be a sappy ***** date?”

“Oh, come on, Alice,” drawled Gabby humorously, taking a drink of the Jack and locking their eyes as she smirked. “You know the answer to that. It’s a date that includes only myself and the woman I’m seeing, of course.”

“Of course,” replied Alice dryly. She snickered and poured the Jack into her own glass. “That means that you and I have gone on precisely three dates despite the fact we’ve dated…” Alice squinted and lifted the drink to her lips. Peering at Gabby as she took a long swig, she muttered around the glass, “How many times have we dated? It’s double digits, right?”

“Thirteen,” supplied Gabby, lifting an eyebrow in speculation. “The ever most unlucky number. Maybe fate was trying to tell us something.”

“Fate or Nadia Meirtschin’s *****?” asked Alice dryly.

Chuckling softly, Gabby took a drink and remarked, “Aren’t we feeling vulgar tonight. You always did get this way when you were in a self loathing mood.” Peering at Alice with knowing dark eyes that to Alice often seemed to see what she tried to hide the most. “What happened, hmm? No doubt it has something to do with your prized tennis player who so recently warned me off with her aggressive butch tendencies.”

“Why do you care?” Alice accused, taking a large drink of Jack.

“I don’t,” said Gabby simply, her tone of voice taking Alice by complete surprise. When their eyes met, she grinned wickedly and continued, “Call it nothing more than idle curiosity as to the mental status of one writer to another. And I can use your sad little neurosis for my screenplay about a woman who’s on the edge.”

“On the edge of what? A cliff?” muttered Alice who always hated the cliches the dark haired woman would use when it came to her screenwriting projects.

“Stop stalling,” ordered Gabby flippantly.

Staring at Gabby with a hard gaze, Alice said quietly, “You really want to hear this, Gabby? Or are you just having fun ***** with my pathetic drunken head?”

Meeting Alice’s gaze head on and holding it, Gabby smiled softly and for just a second Alice could have sworn she saw affection floating in those dark eyes. But then it was gone and Gabby replied, “Both. Now tell your torrid tale already.”

“It’s not torrid, it’s ***** stupid,” Alice said, cursing herself. Pulling the Jack forward, she poured what was left of it inside her glass and took a drink. “My mother… she’s got into ***** again and I…” Heaving a sigh, Alice took another drink then muttered, “I don’t know what it was. Dana just wanted to help me and I wouldn’t let her, you know? I just… I wouldn’t let her… and I have no idea why. I know I hurt her but I don’t know what to do to fix it and now I think I may have fucked things up royally.” Releasing a bitter laugh, she stared down at the alcohol in her glass and remarked, “Maybe you were right. I’m meant for fun and not relationships.”

Silence.

“That was bullshit, what I said and you know it,” Gabby responded soft yet strong and Alice turned to look at the other woman with surprise. Smiling the smallest bit, Gabby rose to feet and reached to Alice, looking as if she was going to touch her cheek but she stopped as if afraid. Then she lost her hesitation and gently stroked the pale features and said, “You’re meant for a lot more, Al. I’ve always known that. It’s just that I was never ready for it.”

“Gabby?” asked Alice, blinking at her in an alcohol induced daze.

Her fingertips falling away, Gabby smiled again and said, “Get your pathetic drunken ***** out of here, Alice. Even you have to admit you must have more important things to do than this.”

“Like what?” Alice called after the departing woman.

“Like having yourself some make up *****, you moron!” returned Gabby in snide tones, walking out the door and lifting her arm up in a backwards wave as she exited.

But she didn’t exit. Not really. Instead she walked out the main door but remained in the little walkway that was between the bar and the street. Leaning against the wall and sliding down it to sit on the bench. Staring at her shaking hands and feeling the burn of Alice’s skin against hers and reveling in the sensation.

She had done it. She had actually done it. She had taken that first step to showing Alice she was going to change. She had let Alice see her, the real her, for the very first time. She smiled quiet and hopeful, thumping her head against the wall as the music washed over her.

“God only knows, how I’ve paid for those things in the past. Dying is easy it’s living that scares me to death.”

—

Once Dana had stopped crying the situation was fairly easy to ascertain. While it was obvious the fight had been Alice’s fault, it was also obvious the writer being deeply troubled was behind it. Something that Dana readily agreed with, saying that was why she wanted Alice to tell her what was wrong in the first place. An action that had caused the coldest treatment from Alice that Dana had ever received.

“She’s going through something, Dana,” said Lara thoughtfully, sinking into the couch. “I don’t know… this might sound horrible but maybe the fight is a good thing. She’d have to be blind to not see how this has hurt you and now she will most likely tell you what’s the matter.”

“I don’t want her to tell me because I got upset,” Dana frowned severely, looking at Lara. “I want her to tell me because she loves and trusts me as much as I love and trust her.” She gave a slow wavering breath then said, “But maybe she doesn’t.”

“Dana, you know that’s not true,” Lara said fiercely. “You must know how much Alice loves you. There’s no way you can’t.”

“I know,” said Dana with a sigh. She paused to bite her bottom lip then she continued in a bare whisper, “Maybe she doesn’t love me enough though. You know, enough to tell me what’s going on… enough to let me help. I mean,” blue eyes peered up to lock with green. “I’m not good with this stuff. I don’t have the same kind of experience that Al does. Maybe that’s why–”

“Don’t even think that,” interrupted Lara almost sternly. When Dana lowered her head sadly, she sighed and reached out to clasp her hands. “It doesn’t do any good to speculate over what’s in Alice’s head. There’s only one way to find that out. You have to talk to her Dana. You have to find out the reasons why for yourself.”

“Yeah,” Dana whispered. “I do.”

Smiling in encouragement, Lara leaned back and grabbed her cordless phone from a nearby table and handed it to Dana. “Call her,” she suggested in a kind murmur.

Looking from the phone to Lara’s green eyes then to the phone again, Dana dipped her head in concession and took it into her hand to dial numbers she had long memorized years ago. When she heard the familiar background of a bar and its patrons, she knew Alice was as upset as her. Alice always went drinking when she was upset… truly upset over something.

“Hello?” Alice’s voice was cautious and a bit slurred.

“Al,” Dana breathed the name more than said it. “We need to talk.”

The sound of the bar and then Alice’s voice, trembling as she replied, “Yeah. We need to talk. Can you… can you pick me up? I’m at The Palms.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Dana assured, unable to help feeling a twinge of happiness that Alice had asked something of her.

“Dana?” said Alice, her voice rough from the liquor.

“Yeah?” replied Dana, shutting her eyes tight and hoping the words she needed to hear most would soon be coming.

“I love you.”

Relief fell over her because with these words Dana somehow knew no matter what, they would be all right. They could work things out because she knew those words were the truth. Alice loved her, Dana could hear it absolutely in her voice. And that was what counted the most in all of this. The love they felt for one another.

“I love you too.”


To be continued…