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The Very Thought of You, Chapter 15
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We rose and exited the café, our hands once again making their way familiarly together. We wove through crowds of businessmen in suits, of students with backpacks, and tourists with cameras, the weight of significance of our impending parting weighting us down into a melancholy silence. We entered Herald Square’s gates as the clock at its apex began to strike seven. Examining the structure at the far end of the square, she spoke without looking at me.
“Being with you is mind-boggling, yet strangely enough, seems right in line with our entire interaction.”
“What do you mean?”
She sighed, “I’m not a fool. I’ve known the impossibility of this whole thing. The ill-timing and poor distance factor. But, at the same time, you make me feel. It’s been scary and enlightening, and wonderfully painful and confusing and so intense. You can, more easily than anyone else, make me excited, nervous, anxious, inexplicably happy, self-aware, alert or perceptive. Quite frankly, it’s been exhausting,” she laughed.
“Ill-timed?”
“Well, there is the boyfriend factor, for one, though I’m not worthy of you, anyway. There’s the whole thing with you moving back home and me not being able to do anything about it, just to name a few.”
I couldn’t meet her eyes as I replied, “You make it sound like I did this amazing thing, all the while depriving you of-“
“-You made me feel human again, and that in itself is quite a feat. Do I think you and I could be happy, that you’re everything I’ve been looking for? Yes. Do I realize the ridiculousness of that idea? Absolutely. And I have no delusions that you would change your life for me to see what might happen between us when you already have a sure thing with Henry. But oh, how I wish you would.” She turned to me, boldly laying her hand on my cheek, causing me to close my eyes to savor these last minutes of closeness. “This has been… a surreal day,” she whispered hoarsely, barely audible above the close din of the city.
“I know. I don’t want it to end. It’s like waking up from the best dream you’ve ever had, one in which you found everything and the wait is finally over.”
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1st?
I know it’s not the end, but it still hurts.
Wow, living with regrets can be brutal. Maybe Tina needs to focus a little on the positive of her life and the things see truly enjoyed in living with Henry. But then, that’s not what this story is about (LOL). PPS
Wow, my friend this one gave me the chills and I wanted to yell at them to just take the chance even though I knew they weren’t going to. Your writing makes it all seem so real and I guess it is in some ways for some of us. I only hope that Tina will take the chance and look for her love because it isn’t too late. Please take care of yourself NY. Oh and just to let you know I do love surprises. LOL!!
You NY, have managed to bring a tear to my eye coupled with the fact that Norah Jones rendition of “Time after Time” is playing softly in the background creating a melancholy that just makes me feel it even more. Well in the words of Bette Porter, “it’s never too late”, I hope that this is true here in this story.
that was so heartbreaking. *sigh* hopefully there’s still a way for them to be together. loved the ‘imagine me and you’ reference, it was perfect.
oh shyt i hate tina now….pleasz make her go to bette..now
heartbreaking…that line ” i won’t remember anything else” is one of my favorites and so apt for this chapter.
It wasn’t just Bette that Tina let down. I hope Bette was able to fill that blank canvas with something, rather than the nothing I’m starting to fear she got. Another great one, NY, thanks.
Sigh. This is heartbreaking to read. The line that stood out to me the most (for various reasons): When Tina said ‘After all, I had Henry’ Thank you, NY, looking forward to the next one
That hurt. Tina is throwing true love away for a conventional, boring and unfulfilling life. I find her behaviour rather exasperating! It somehow makes me feel she deserves to be unhappy, since she is being so stupid!
Damn… that was hard! I am guessing you like “Imagine Me & You”, me too. Fab film – and Lena Headey… phew!! ‘I won’t remember anything else…’ No she won’t!
OMG!!! That was so heartbreaking! Babe I hope- I really hope- in fact I’m praying really hard over here that there’s a way you’re gonna write these 2 back together! If not then I stand steadfastly by the comment I just left on your chapter 14!!! PPS! You’re doing such a great job!
Tina’s “I let her down” doesn’t do it justice at all. I was listening to Madonna’s song I’m So Stupid from her American Life album (clearly not her best work) and it really fits, one of the lines is “stupider than stupid”. I don’t know, I guess you have to be Tina to let Bette go even if she knew Bette “was the one” she “was meant to spend my life with”. That said, I can’t wait to find out what happens next!!… Oh, and I hope you’ll feel better soon!
If only she would. thanks
They say its never too late. You left so much unanswered. Are they still in touch, though it doesn’t appear that way. At this juncture in her life Tina really needs to go find Bette, odds are she’s still waiting. I’ve found that regardless of who we end up spending our life with, if that one person is out there, the one you didn’t risk being with even though you knew deep down inside that they were the one, then at some point you’ve got to fight for it.