Fan Fiction
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To Find Myself Again
Story written on February 8, 2010 by Journey1962.
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I didn’t realize how much the decision of starting a family would change our relationship, because I lost myself further in Bette and our dream of a family. Things were okay while I was still working. I had outlets other than Bette. But over that year of being off work. I became ‘the wife‘. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being a wife. But I became ‘the wife‘. The wife who lost herself in her partner. Everything became about Bette and the baby that wasn’t even conceived yet. It became my obsession. That’s during the time, when Alice, Shane and Dana did an intervention and told Bette and I that we were becoming a boring couple. And because I didn’t have other outlet Bette’s insensitive behavior cut me even deeper. I had no where to run or hide. My friends were her friends. Work wasn’t there to distract me. The only other thing I had was trying to get pregnant. I think that’s why losing our first child hit me so hard. The one thing I wanted most in the world at the time was that baby and I failed. Or I felt that I failed. I wasn’t even in a place to reach out to Bette. I was angry at her and didn’t know why.
So I completely lost my own identity that year. And morph into what I’m not sure. I didn’t like who I had become so powerless, until I had to learn to stand up on my own two feet again. Thank God for friends who remain friends even through the tough times in our lives.
It took me years to gain a balance within myself. And it begin with me becoming a mother. I got my fight back after I had Angelica. We do things for our children that we won’t ever do for ourselves. At first after have her I was too aggressive with Bette. She was out of work and I was scared instead of really talking it over I just lorded over the money. I became hard and indifferent with her. Yeah that’s when I went stupid and went back to men thinking it would be easier. Men maybe simpler but they’re not easy. Well actually in some ways they are. But that’s not what this is about. Because I could have very well lost myself in a relationship with a man. It happens all the time.
Well I better wrap this up. So in closing I would like to say that it is so easy to lose yourself in the one you love. So be careful to keep some of your independence. Not out of fear. But to preserve the essence of who you are apart from your partner. Be interdependent and not codependent. Be passionate about something other than your love and shared dream for you future. Be honest, yet speak the truth seasoned with love. Don’t wear your whole heart on your sleeve. Realize that no one is responsible for your happiness. They can add to it but happiness is a choice so make it yours. And above all be careful as you to whom you give your heart to. Because some aren’t ready and some aren’t worthy of it.
Love yourself so that you can truly love others.
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AMAZING!!!! Thank you
Some great insights that were not explored in the show.
Somethings I read what I wrote and say did you really write that. I like what Tina had to say. It sounds so much like me. :)
That was a beautiful insight to Tina’s thought process of her relationship with Bette. You know the part of her freaking out about Marcus’girlfriend always bothered me, when she was such a strong women according to her past history. That was an enjoyable read. Thank You.
thanks for this :)
This is great writing. I like it. Definitely deserve a 5 stars rating.
WoooooHoooooooo!!!!!!!. From the very first paragraph knew you had a winner with this story. You have captured the very essence of the show and what it was all about from the beginning. I’ve not seen another like this. Some have come close but you have NAILED IT. Thanks for sharing with us and posting.
Thank you … awesome stuff. Fantastic. Thank you again.!