“Oh fuck!” Alice moaned loudly, letting her head back down on her pillow and squeezing her eyes shut as she came. She felt the other woman shifting on top of her before gently pulling her fingers out. “Oh fuck,” she repeated, trying to catch her breath. “That… was amazing.” Alice suddenly felt a cold rush wash over her when she realized she could no longer feel her lover’s body against her own. She opened her eyes and glanced down to the end of the bed. There she was, her naked silhouette barely visible in the duskily lit room.

“Shane?” she said softly, confused by her sudden change in behaviour. “What’s wrong?” Alice crawled down to her and gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She tried to look into her eyes but Shane was facing away from her. “Please tell me what I did.”

“You haven’t done anything,” Shane suddenly said and turned around to look at her, letting her see the tears in her eyes. “It’s not you, it’s…”

“Oh, please, stop…” Alice interrupted her, expecting her to pull the old and overused ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line. “Don’t do that to me, please, Shane.”

Shane shook her head, swallowing hard. “Just hear me out, okay?” Alice nodded and she went on. “It’s just hard for me. For so many years there was nothing in the world that I wanted more than this. Okay? And I’m so fucking scared that now that I finally got it… I will just lose it again.”

Alice was a bit shocked by her sudden confession, but tried not to show it. ‘She had feelings for me for years? How could I not know?’ She had just assumed from the way that Shane acted, that she would never want to be in a relationship with anyone, and she figured that might have been what made her eventually give up on Shane. ‘Why did I not know?’ There was no use in asking those questions now. She was there in her arms, at least in that moment, and that was all that mattered. She gently touched her best friend’s cheek, wiping away her tears. “You’re not gonna lose me, okay? I’m right here.”

“I don’t think I could handle if I did,” Shane said quietly and turned away again, surprised by her own honesty. It was too hard to look at Alice now. She felt so close, and yet so far away. ‘What if this is the end? She’ll never want to be with me. She needs someone she can always count on, and I can’t promise her that. I can’t promise that to anyone.’ She wiped some tears away and let out a hopeless sigh. ‘And now I’ve gone and ruined our friendship too. Things will never be the same after this.’