Tina’s bedroom:

            Diary Entry

I’m not sure if I actually knew what was coming out of my mouth when Bette told me that she loved me until I heard the words. I think that I made the right choice. I do love her but love is not always enough and we have gone too many times hurting one another. I can’t get over how much she has changed. Tonight with her was probably one of the best evenings that we have ever shared. She was so open and non confrontational. That is all I ever wanted of her. I never knew what was going on in her mind until she blew up and then my defenses mounted and we would either fight or I would concede. I’m not going to concede any longer. If she wants us to be together then she has to want us to be in an equal partnership. Tonight, I saw that was possible. I saw that she was actually interested in what I had to say and not place blame. I saw that she was actually at a place in her life that she could put her guilt to rest over her part of our demise if I was able to mine aside. Even though in my mind I had already forgiven her for her transgression but that was only in my head and not my heart. Tonight I can honestly say that in my heart I have forgiven her. We really could not think of trying to move forward if I didn’t forgive her in my heart. I had trusted her in the past and any doubts wouldn’t allow me to trust her again and I wanted so much to be able to trust her. I was honest with her when I told her that I missed my best friend. She was my lover but more importantly, she was my best friend.

Bette and I had developed a strong friendship before we became lovers because I was coming to terms with my sexuality. When that friendship turned into a relationship, she was the one who helped me accept the rejection of my family. She was the one who encouraged me to pursue my career goals and she was the one who had always helped to pick up the pieces when things did not go well. I thought of her as my best friend after the break up but how could I turn to her when she as my partner and friend betrayed me. I have to get that word out of my vocabulary. We both failed one another and we have another chance if I am not too scared to allow it to happen.