“I’ve been thinking about this,” Dana said in a perfectly reasonable voice, “and since, technically, I’m cancer free right now, I don’t understand why I can’t hold off on the chemo for a bit. I know my body and I need some time to get stronger first.”

Alice couldn’t believe she was hearing this. Dana hadn’t said a word to her before springing this on the doctors and it scared the hell out of her. Alice wondered how they couldn’t see that Dana was intent on punishing herself, no matter how rational her arguments seemed.

“That’s understandable,” replied Dr. Bowman, “and I think a few days may make sense under the circumstances.” Alice felt herself start to shake. “But be clear on this Dana, though you are cancer free right now, I don’t believe chemo is elective for you. We need to be as aggressive as we can to keep you in remission.”

“We also need to talk about the side effects of the hysterectomy,” added Dr. Wilson. Both Dana and Alice shot her bewildered looks. “We were unable to save your ovaries and fallopian tubes. The surgery has left you in menopause Dana.”

“What?” How?” Dana and Alice questioned the doctor simultaneously.

“Dana’s body is no longer capable of producing the hormones women of child-bearing age make. We talked about this as a potential side effect of the chemotherapy…”

“But not as a result of the operation…” Dana realized that the possibility had in fact been mentioned, briefly, as she’d signed the consent forms.

“Hormone replacement therapy is not an option because of the breast cancer,” Dr. Bowman chimed in.

“So, what are you telling us?” Alice was trying hard to wrap her head around this latest complication.

“It’s like hitting a wall,” Dr. Wilson answered, “and, in all likelihood, it’s already making things even harder for you now, Dana. I can prescribe Clonidine for the hot flashes, but there’s no guarantee that it will help. You can expect some mood swings and other symptoms…”

“Like what?” Dana snapped as she lost her patience.

“I’ll leave these pamphlets with you and we can talk more after you and Alice have read through them,” Dr. Wilson responded evenly. She knew better than to personalize Dana’s emotional outburst. In fact, she was surprised at how well her patient seemed to handling the soul-shattering events of the past few days.

Try as she might, Dana dissolved into tears the moment the doctors left the room. Alice tried to comfort her, but Dana felt utterly empty and alone. She’d lost her daughter. Cancer had attacked her again, claiming her reproductive organs as its prize this time. And now the icing on the cake. Her youth was stolen in the blink of an eye. It was all too much to bear. She quietly triggered the morphine drip and waited for it to knock her out.

Alice made sure Dana was sleeping soundly before she asked Sharon to stay with her for a while. She sat numbly in the atrium, unable to form a single, logical thought. Bette and Tina found her there some forty five minutes later.

“Sharon called,” Tina said as Alice melted into their arms. “We’re here now, Al…”

“Whatever you and Dana need,” intoned Bette, “we’re here.”