Tina meet her father at Penn station – he had taken the train in from New Jersey. It had been too crazy to talk so they had just exchanged greetings and conversations about the train journey for 10 minutes. It wasn’t until they were walking together up 8TH Avenue that Jack stopped.
“This is a really beautiful city “
“It is – I don’t think I realized just how amazing it was before I started seeing it through Angie’s eyes. We have been here lots of times before but its living here that also brings it home how amazing it is “
“I think it’s beautiful – mind you – everything is beautiful to me “
Tina raised her eyebrow at him and smiled
“You appreciate things better when you don’t see them first hand for so long”
“I think I understand “
Jack’s look told Tina that she probably didn’t.
“I just mean that being away from Bette for so long made me appreciate her. You must feel that way about everything “
“I do – skyscrapers are stunning “
“If you want to go to the top of the Empire State we better not do it without Angie – we have been promising her that we would take her”
“Not sure either of us have a head for heights “
“You could be right – Bette took us up in a helicopter on the New York tour – fantastic views but I don’t have much of a head for heights – Angie and Bette are more fearless”
“You were fearless when you were her age “
Tina laughed “Bette keeps asking me if Angie is taking after me”
Jack smiled “I can see the similarities “
“Can you?” Tina asked looking at him
“Oh hell yes. When we met her for the first time and then your mom and I were heading home. We were both kind of lost for words – we just didn’t know what to start talking about first “
Tina spotted a coffee shop “Do you want a coffee and maybe a pastry?”
“I would love one – thanks “
Tina opened the door and held it open for her father
“I will buy the coffee and the cake and you can tell me the rest of the story”

After five minutes Tina carried the tray containing the two coffees and the two pieces of cake to the table in the window where her father was sitting. He had removed his overcoat and underneath he was wearing an open shirt and a v neck sweater. Tina sat down and fussed around making sure they were settled. Finally Tina looked at her father
“So – you and mom are heading home after meeting Angie for the first time”
Jack smiled “Everything – everything was happening so fast. But at the same time – I didn’t want it to happen slowly. I wanted everything – to meet you and to get to know Bette and to meet our grandchild. I guess while prison taught me patience it always made me really want things to happen”
“Contradiction “Tina pointed out
“I know that “he spooned two teaspoons of brown sugar into his cup and looked at Tina
“She talks as much as you did “
Tina laughed “Bette thinks that – Bette is always blaming the fact that Angie seems incapable of silence on me. The only times she is not making a din is either when she is asleep and Bette thinks it’s a matter of time before Angie starts singing in her sleep. The only times she is quiet is either when she is reading or asleep”
“That really sounds familiar “
“The book thing is Bette” Tina said “She loves reading and that’s really emerging in Angie as well “
“You were more the outdoors kind of girl “
“I was “
“Climbing trees and fishing “
“Fishing “Tina said “it’s a long number of years since I sat on a river bank and fished”
“I used to love taking you “
“I loved going. It was the time when you and I were alone and we would talk”
“My favorite writer is Mark Twain “Jack said “I started reading Huckleberry Finn and I moved on from there. He fascinates me – I love his accounts of country life. When I was inside just being able to imagine the sound of the crickets and the bubbling of the stream – it was the first time writing had made me cry”
“I like reading but I never have the time. It’s no bad thing that Bette has infected Angie with her love of books”
“Angie was showing me her collection of audio books”
Tina smiled “They are letting her hear books that she’s not yet old enough to be able to read herself. We read to her every night – its scary how advanced she is”
“She seems very advanced “
“You have no idea “Tina said “She is smart and very sure of herself “
“I am not sure you were that self-assured “
“I wasn’t “
“Maybe she’s picked that from Bette”
“No – Bette was shy and quiet as a kid. Her father was a surgeon and he was very rarely at home. Bette was the studious kid always in the library or walking home herself she says “
“She doesn’t seem the sort to struggle to make friends – she’s very charming”
“Do you think so?”
Jack nodded “Very – when I met her she put me at ease even though she must have been wondering what the hell I was doing showing up at the gallery”
“She’s changed “Tina assessed “she always had the easy sort of charm but she’s much more considerate. She hasn’t yelled at a waiter since we got together again… sorry – private joke. Bette refused to accept anything that came close to substandard service. She could make any waiter – posh or otherwise – cringe in fear when she showed up.”
“She does look the sort who ever even raises her voice “
“Trust me – the single withering look is usually enough – but she’s beautiful enough to get her way without even raising an eyebrow these days “
Jack sipped his coffee and smiled
“I had started to tell you what your mother and I talked about after we met you all for the first time. Your mother said – I can see where Angie gets her talking skills from”
“That just proves what Bette says “
“It’s no bad thing “
“I know – but she’s hard work – she wants to know EVERYTHING”
“Again – it could be worse”
“I know – she’s special “
“You think she will always be like this but she won’t. Kids grow so fast – hold onto your memories of this chatty curious little girl “
“Before she becomes a not talking, sulking teenager?”
“It’s always a possibility – you went into your shell the older you got “
“I was uncomfortable in my skin “Tina said “I wanted to be like the other girls and the more I did just like them — the less I convinced myself “
“Because you thought you were gay?”
“Because I was certain I was gay “
“Did you talk to anyone?”
“No – was there anyone in town who wouldn’t have freaked out if I had told them that I liked girls?”
“Since we found out – since we have talked to you and Bette – your mom and I have talked so much about whether it was obvious – whether there were any clues”
“I doubt there were clues – I was a tom boy – but then you kind of had to be living in the country – you had to be able to ride a horse and collect eggs and help at harvest time. It’s no guarantee that anyone is going to be gay. Bette never got her hands dirty when she was young. When we started living together and we got a garden – my first thought was to get in there and dig things out and mulch and plant – Bette’s reaction was to hire a landscaping service”
Jack smiled
“And what did you do?”
“I taught her to garden “
“Why do I get the feeling that you often got your own way “
“Because I did- Bette just wanted to please me and she knew that if she humored me and took her turn cutting the grass and pruning the bushes it would make me happy”
“It’s no bad basis for a relationship”
“It’s not”
Jack started on his cake – taking a couple of bites and drinking his coffee after cooling it down by blowing on it.
“I just wish you could have told someone how you felt. It would – well – it might have made things different “
Tina sighed “I know – I have been thinking a lot about everything. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone. There would have been one hell of a row. I wasn’t strong enough to deal with it. I would have been bullied at school, lost my family – and for what? To tell people that I had dreams about girls and when I fantasized it was about girls – it was about girls even when I was with boys. I couldn’t have done it dad. It wasn’t as if I was dating someone. If I had met a girl who had felt the same way as me – it might have made everything different”
Jack pushed his unfinished cake away and sighed “Everything would have been different Tina “
Tina brushed her hair back and exhaled “I know that – you don’t think I don’t live with that like you live with what you did “
There was an awkward silence
“Sorry Tina “
“No – there is nothing for you to be sorry about. You are right – you have every reason to want to know why I couldn’t tell you the truth”
“If you had told we and we could have found a way of dealing with what you were”
“But I couldn’t – and because of that – I kept acting like a stupid tart and what happened at the end was inevitable really. It was only when I met Bette that I could start dealing with it. I couldn’t ignore my feelings when Bette walked into my life. “
“I don’t think many people can ignore Bette “
“That’s been said more than once “Tina remarked “Dad – I know we have stuff still to deal with but you have to know that as far as I am concerned everyone has suffered more than enough to last the rest of our lives. I just want to have the two of you in my life and see you enjoying your grandchild and for you to be thrilled if and when we have another baby – maybe a son this time. We are going to need a man around to teach Angie and any other kids we have how to fish “
Jack was silent for a few minutes. He swallowed and looked at his daughter. She was so much more sophisticated than he could have ever dreamed. Her long blonde hair really suited her and the dark sweater she was wearing underneath the fleece showed off her fair skin and pretty face.
“You are so pretty Tina “
Tina smiled “You are supposed to tell me that you would like to teach Angie and your future grandson to fish “
“I would – I hope that goes without saying “
“It does “Tina said “There are things still to be said but we cannot keep talking about what happened. It happened – everyone suffered and you lost your freedom for too long. But this is a new start for all of us. Bette and I are getting married and you and mom are going to be there to witness that. You are both totally addicted to the crazy world of Angelica and we hope by this time next year there will be another baby for the two of you to spoil. We all should say what we want to and then get closure. I know that’s simplistic but now that I have my family back I want to build a new relationship with the two of you. I don’t have to lie about who I am and what I feel in my heart. You don’t have to be macho and try and protect me or anyone else.”
“I know that I still want to protect my daughter and grand-daughter “