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The L Word Series Finale Postmodern Epilogue: A Bette in Hand is Worth Two in a Bush
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“The show is already over.” Bette shrugs. “We’re still here…We survived years without being together, but now we’ll do as we please.”
Ilene sighs, dismissing the clones. “Bette…Helena…this just would never happen in my mind.”
“Why not?” Helena asks tartly. “We like one another…love even…though Bette insists on saying ‘ditto’ whenever I tell her…”
“Another copyright infringement.” Ilene snickers. “Hey, you guys have a huge tv in your room…let’s order room service and watch crap television.”
Bette and Helena look at one another and shrug. “I’m kinda hungry.” Bette says thoughtfully. “You know, I feel strangely…as though I’ve been in a few different places today. My memories are starting to jumble all together…”
“yeah, that was stolen from the Simpsons.” Ilene mutters, looking through the room service menu and flicking the tv onto an old episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air. “And from Xena…I believe Gabrielle is cloned multiple times…nevermind.” She stops talking and snickers to herself, realizing that Bette does not realize that she is cloned.
They sit together for a few minutes, until Ilene changes the channel to a Dawson’s Creek rerun.
“Oh now I really must draw the line at this…Bette, darling, call me when you’re really through with this series.” Helena jumps out of bed, hurridly dressing while Ilene sneaks a peak or two. “I’ll be talking to my agent.”
“No, wait!” Bette excuses herself from Ilene’s company, saying something about a hair appointment.
“Ok you two, I’ll see you in the spin-off…” Ilene pulls out a notebook, explaining her next idea. The show will be named Jenny. Bette and Helena politely decline, insisting that they’ll work with her soon on something else.
Then they run out of the room.
Meanwhile, back on the ranch…
Tina is in the throes of orgasm, her hair whipping about her face as she thrashes back and forth.
“Ummmm…dear?” Bette tries to get her attention.
“Busy here…uhhhhhhhnnnnghhhh…” Tina groans almost painfully as Bette brings her to another crashing smashing thrashing orgasm. Her feet lock around Bette’s waist as the taller woman continues to move in languid circles with her hips.
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Unlike the rest of them, I am sure that I am. In fact, I’m the only thing that is. Solipsism rocks, or doesn’t. Cos if it did I’ve have the next post of this already, having written it myself or something, wouldn’t I? Hmmmm…. Naw, really… clones? There could be a thousand of them running around, and there still wouldn’t be enough of them. And besides, don’t clones get a bit ropey after repeated copying? Like in Multiplicity? Since there are Helena clones… where are the Tina clones? And, the rest? And heaven help us, the clones of Jenny? Explain in the next post!
jp, your questions are far more intelligent than my story. lol
There are Helena clones because she’s to damn good you just can’t have one.
DO NOT CLONE A JENNY ONE IS ENOUGH PLEASE. nOW THE JB LH AND RS JUST SENT A LOT OF THEM TO MY PART OF THE WORLD. Got to thank IC for these wonderful actress,but she did do some dumb things. thanks
Brilliant, loopy stuff as per usual. I will be mulling Helena’s speculation that she might be Plato’s actual cave for some time to come (especially if drugs are involved). The zany IC clones are just like Jenny, personality-wise, which jibes with my theory that the Jenny character has more claim to the title of main IC proxy than Bette ever did. LL and JB on “Dancing with the Stars”? If only you were queen bee of the universe and could make it so, hb.
When do Darryl Hannah, Rutger Hauer and Harrison Ford show up? Wait, why am I asking you when I can’t be sure YOU are real? Who IS writting this story?
…or writing, as the case may be.
Say, don’t actresses get paid precisely to put aside their egos and represent? And of course you’re mad, why state the obvious?
HB-Leave all the Bette clones to Tina. Get rid of Helena clone and send real Helena to real Bette. Then put them on an uncharted island….Send Helena clone to join Bette and Tina clone to start the “Jenny show” off shoot…..You are totally mad(crazy) but as they say(who ever they are) there is a thin line between genious and insanity. Just make sure sofa checks in on you frequently to see what part of the line you are over
hb, all I got to say is you must have some REALLY great shit, and I demand you share immediately! I absolutely bow to you, o mad creator. Forgive me sofa, but hb, I just LOVE ya!!
NO TINA CLONES PERMITTED!! One of Jenny is quite enough as well. Oh, and don’t forget, Kristanna will be making an appearance here also, dealing with the cyborg clones? Perhaps here she and Shane will make it!!
i think tina is already cloned *confused*…i think i had her cloned…and i think her clone is sleeping with bette…no, wait, i can’t remember now! lol
no I am sure you are mistaken. Maybe tina’s clone is sleeping with henry’s clone!! LOL
Zany and oh so fun. I could use a Bette clone myself, she’d be so handy at museums and possibly other times as well, heh.
You’re insane, and I mean that in the most lovable way possible, *wink* .. Squirl, I’m not worried about hb’s mind, I think we’re safe, it’s fun to write madly and cross so many lines you lose track of the beginning and the end, as for Bette clones and ‘Jenny’, the former is ingenious, the latter not so much, reminds me of that spin off “joey” series after the finale of Friends … which was disastrous in a painful way, and we all actually loved Joey, so in the spirit of Jenny hatred, which often makes me feel badly for Mia Kirshner as she’s probably very nice, but makes me think that a ‘Jenny’ spin off series would make people jump willingly, stoned or otherwise, from the top of the Hollywood Sign ….. :)
OMG that was freakin awesome, especially IC haha I’ll never be able to look at her without giggling again I LOVED IT!!