As we walk into the planet i stiffen, firstly because i see Lara at the counter and curse my-self for beind dense and not suggesting somewhere else, but then i see her walk up and kiss Lara her whole body smiling if thats possible. I turn to leave before they spot me, a little routine i’ve developed over these past 6 months because although i want Dana i cant face her. However Helena grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly saying “Honey we are going nowhere, they done wrong not you”. As she pulls me in i stumble “Helena i cant, it,it”   “hurts, i know but its the only way to move on”. So we start to walking and Dana spots me. All i can see in her eyes is pity. I feel my heart break and shatter, but for the first time i feel anger. How dare she look at me like that, she done this to me and if it takes all of my strength she is not going to see the pain she caused. So squeezing Helenas hand, i plaster on my biggest smile and say “hey Dana, Lara”(the Lara came out nastier than intended but i couldnt help it). I say to myself well ***** you Dana Fair banks im getting over your sorry *****. And so starts my road to recovary, or so i thought.

We’re at the table having coffee and my head keeps turning in the direction of Dana. I wish so badly that i was Lara and she was up there laughing and kissing me. She looks at me and i quickely turn my head. When i look back i see her coming towards me. The look of panic must have been written all over my face as Helena turned to see what warrented this expression. I realise to my horror that im sobbing in the planet were everyone knows me and now how pathetic i am. I run to the bathroom and hold the sink for support as i sob uncontrollably. Then i hear her say my name and place her hand on shoulder. My immediate reaction is to pull away and i vaguely hear her say shes sorry and that she wants to be friends. I feel my temper rise and i shout back that she once told me you cant be friends with your exs. She tries to hold me by the shoulders and i push her away. I want her to feel hurt, not physical hurt, but a hurt that stabs you through the heart. So i tell her that i hate her, and that we cant be friends because a friend wouldnt break your heart or use you until something better came along. She tells me to stop but i cant all the feelings i kept locked up come rushing back and i’ve lost all control. As i say the next and last thing i know i shouldnt but i want to hurt her, so i tell her that maybe i should give Gabby a call, as she would treat me better. I leave the bathroom, knowing that i went a step too far. My God i love Dana so much Gabby couldnt even compare. I got Helena and i left the planet feeling guilty, ashamed and even more hurt than before. I know i should apologise but i keep walking forward, my body numb to the world. 

Recovary is going to be a lot harder than i had initially planned. tbc