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    How am I supposed to live without you, part 3

    Story written on May 2, 2007 by justloveB+T.
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    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 21
    Words: 4926
    Story Shortlink: https://www.assertive-maroon-jellyfish.104-250-143-187.cpanel.site/?p=65555
    Author Notes:

    A season 4 finalestory as seen through hazel eyes of a particulair blonde. Part 3, the semi-finale.

     

    Me: Ehhhhhhh I know! Angie is following in my footsteps and doing her nap… Hows your flight?

     

    Bette: Oh T… All I can feel and think is: ‘What if she doesnt want me?’ Im so nervous…

    So nervous…

     

    It was as if icy fingers found their way around my heart… Icy fingers of jealousy, of pain and of regret… Because wasnt it my fault that this amazingly confident woman now was so insecure? Hadn’t it been me who had kicked and kicked untill every beautifull memory that her heart could ever contain about us was overshadowed by the bad? Why had I tried so hard to push away what I so clearly craved and, maybe even more so then I ever wanted to admit, so desperatly needed? And why, why had I succeeded? Tears were rapidly forming itself, lingering to the corners of my eyes as I continued the path I had started… I would help her, with all the love I had inside me, to find happiness…

     

    Me:             Sweety, she would be crazy if she wouldnt want you… Don’t worry so much… Let

    me read those emails ok? You big old romanticist! ;)

    I pressed my eyes tightly shut as I had sent the message that obligated me to go through the hearted words she had written for another woman… Just a few more… Just a little more… Just a life more… A life of looking at her, at looking at those eyes, those amazing eyes I had seen look at me once the way they looked at her now… And still there was a difference… As if Jodi had made her realize (or maybe I had made her realize? With my amazingly stupid actions?) how perishing love really was, and how she had to hold on and take chances for that ravishing emotions that changed lifes every second… Oh how I envied the blonde artist, who’s heart had so evidently merged with Bette’s… Together means together… Was that what Dana had ment? Maybe I had goven Bette to much of myself, maybe I had merged to much into her life, letting myself be absorbed, overwhelmed by her and by the way she amde me feel… And later I was so occupied with my own pain, and after that my own feeling of incapability that I shut her out… Had I ever given her the chance to be with me? Be together with me? Be her equal, as Jodi so clearly was?

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    Comments

    1. OMG!!!!WOW!!!!! I just hope the words that Bette was saying are ment for Tina. Now Bette go and gewt your WOMAN NOW!!!!! I am so loving this story. Thanks PPVS

    3. So, This has been my favorite season 4 spin off that I have Read. I have been so excited to see what else you come up with next! Come on…Tell us how she gets her woman!!! It is fantastic… PPS!!

    5. damn, you’re killing me here, i hope that Bette is standing by the door of the house where Tina is already…end the agony, get them back together

    6. Dearest you… Amazingly beautiful and heartbreaking in the same time… Oh, and if I had any doubt that those texts were for Tina, you certainly shattered them with reason number 16! Although I have to say that I’m starting to know your Tibette mind and more especially heart, and I guess I knew from reason number 1! But the most important part of this story is yet to come… I guess Tina is too busy beating herself up for her mistakes to realise that never in this world Bette Porter would say these words to anybody else than her… I’m so looking forward to the next chapter! Please, end Tina’s agony, how much more can she take?… And by the way J, THANKS SO MUCH for the reference to Montaigne and La Boetie… You couldn’t have found a better use for it!… Perfect! That in itself should have said it all to one blind blonde… Thanks J, and sorry for not writing, it’s coming, so much to tell you…

    10. Dear, dear M… Here I am, sleepless, at the middle of the night, reading such a moving update of you, my favourite author – something with, more than ever, such a deep resonance in my heart and soul… You know, my friend, tomorrow will be painful and cathartic but also emotionally releasing : an other big step in this process of mine… That’s your amazing timing – once more – expressing thoughts and feelings that could have be mine (our sensitivities and minds always seem to walk together, that’s beautiful…) when I need to feel them expressed… That’s why I cannot properly comment this great, great chapter now, for I need tomorrow morning to come and pass before anything else. Just wait and see (well, read !) until my comment, dearest M ! For now, simply these two words from the deepest of my hopelessly romantic heart : THANK YOU. *** Forever your faithful reader, proud and happy to call you a friend – A.

    11. Damn, girl… I’m in a room full of people, so I can’t start crying like a baby, but if I could… damn… I’ve just read the 3 chapters altogether, and let me tell you… You’re good. Every single emotion, I could feel it, and I hope Bette’s getting her ass back to LA and get T back… and COME ON T!! you gotta get your woman back!! PLEASE post soon!!!!

    12. Those words are so painful to my heart. I felt as if I was Tina trying to hold myself in check so that I could help the love of my life. I am not sure how Tina was able to do it. I could feel every heart beat and tear as it rolled down her face. I hope that those words were ment for Tina and that Bette is right around the corner waiting for her.

    13. OMG, can Tina really be so blind not to see that those words are meant for her ?! Isn’t obvious enough ? I mean, hello ??!! Bette wrote ” have always been, are, will always be “. She could never say those words to Jodi, those two don’t have a past together ( and luckily will never have a future either. Not that I hate Jodi or anything ). Besides, I’m sure Tina MUST know that Bette would never be so cruel to her, right ? Indeed, if anyone had any doubts about the identity of the person those lines were meant for, reason N°16 made it cristal clear. Granted Bette has never been the master of the subtle hints either, but Tina must really be lost in a deep sense of guilt and in self-loathing not to pick up on Bette’s blatant messages of love and to think she deserves this. At any rate, I cannot even begin to imagine how excruciating this situation must be for our blind Tina and what she must be going through right now… Poor Tina. And what the “L” is Bette doing on that plane anyway ?… Everybody knows she’s never been in love with Jodi ( well, everybody but Tina that is… ) ! Who is she trying to fool except herself ? In fact, did she really take that flight ? Really, now that I think about it : did she ever get on that plane ?… Come on, Captain, you can tell me, I promise I’ll keep your secret. Do I need to tell you how unbearable the wait for your next update is going to be ? Please just don’t torture us too long. ( Yes, you are that talented ! ). By the way, thank you so much for all the hard work you put into your fanfics.

    14. *Shaking head* Oh come on!!! These words need to be for TIna…NEED!!!! Awww…throw me a bone here my friend!! Great chapter…I just want Bette with Tina! Pretty please if I ask nicely? LOL! Great chapter!

    15. I know these words are for Tina, but God it would have been nice for her to enjoy them. Either way, she gets to enjoy Bette when they finally get back together.

    17. 100000000 constellations mmm? maybe could be enough…;) dear and great writer: you are killing me softly with this story!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can imagine Tina face everytime she readed anoother reason more… and it’s so heartbreaking! but you are so good my dear dear friend! i love this chapter but you know that i love the way you write it… Thanks so much for this post it’s amazing! big big hug

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